Archives 2008

You Need Soap ... and Water!

2010-05-24T02:20:00.000-07:00

Encounters at the End of the World (2008)

Rating ... B- (56)

Werner Herzog goes characteristically batshit with Encounters at the End of the World, narrating / rasping to his heart's content over Antarctic adventure. Herzog's journey is inspired by images of pristine beauty in nature and although promptly marred when he arrives in "an ugly mining town with caterpillars and noisy construction" he saves face when his trip metamorphoses into a casual study of human alienation.

Herzog's images are beautiful enough to qualify as nature porn a la Planet Earth but they're also the first step in Herzog's quest to understand isolation. In typical fashion, Herzog depicts nature as heavenly by sprinkling choral music over the proceedings and likening the footage from under-ice diving to being in a cathedral, though others share his opinion. Herzog's talking heads, described figuratively as untethered folks who've fallen apart from society to the bottom of the Earth, often pontificate about rugged spirituality found in nature. (There is obvious favoritism shown to these individuals versus those who venture to Antarctica seeking fame in the civilized world for temporarily braving the elements.)

If you can withstand Herzog's cantakerous bellyaching and hand-wringing about the extinction of obscure languages, technology eliciting vulnerability in the world (why?), and men robbing natural landmarks of their dignity by exploring and conquering them, the remaining commentary is quite poetic. Residents of the south pole are self-described as a group of outsiders unified by their inability to coexist within the societal groups they fled. Herzog interviews them not merely for the nuts and bolts of their job duties in Antarctica but also to discover personal motivation. Seen collectively at a safety training course, Herzog observes visionless participants preparing for no-sight conditions. Because they are linked, when one falls astray it becomes the group's shared fate. In equally pessimistic contrast, Herzog stumbles across surprisingly poignant footage of Psycho Penguin, a penguin suffering from a bout of instinctive mania presumably from prolonged exposure to his peers. The penguin willfully and seemingly for no reason undertakes a headlong trek away from his homeland to certain suicide; Herzog explains scientists have observed the phenomenon before and if apprehended and returned to his colony, the penguin will begin again. Finally, scientists celebrate as they prepare a hi-tech weather balloon capable of detecing neutrinos that appear to be "on another plane" for a solitary journey into the heavens.

As if to further his portrayal on social rupture, unreliable narration seems to play a role in Herzog's film. Herzog could very easily be mistaken for an internet troll as he bashes "fluffy penguin" movies and supercedes the subjects whose stories he deems "go on forever." In one hilarious scene Herzog encounters a Timothy Treadwell-esque recluse and penguin afficionado who graciously permits him an interview. His brief introduction reveals he's not entirely comfortable around other people and not exactly a conversationalist at heart, which makes Herzog's opening salvo all the more inane and priceless. ("DR. AINLEY ... I READ SOMEWHERE THAT THERE ARE GAY PENGUINS. WHAT ARE YOUR OBSERVATIONS?") Call Herzog's experiment at the south pole what you will, but I'm pretty sure this one is double blind.

Your Lack of Faith Disturbs Me!

2009-11-01T17:08:00.001-08:00

Doubt (2008)

Rating ... C (40)

An Exclusive Interview with THE DIRECTOR

ME
I really appreciate you sitting down to speak
with me today about Doubt. Opportunities like
this don't usually just fall into my lap.

THE DIRECTOR
It's the least I can do in exchange for you
lending me your Junkyo Bell.

ME
Just for the record, I don't own a Junkyo Bell.
No seriously.

THE DIRECTOR
Maybe not in IRL.

ME
(nervously)
Before we continue, I feel I should clarify a
few things about the plot and the title for the
sake of those who have never heard of this film
before.

THE DIRECTOR
Spoilers in the keywords.

ME
Just by looking at the title I'd wager there are
a lot of people who would assume Doubt is a film
concerning faith and spiritual uncertainty.

THE DIRECTOR
And those people would be complete idiots! I
have absolutely no intention of exploring such
trivial and outdated topics! This isn't the Dark
Ages, it's the mother- [ EXPLETIVE DELETED ]
2000's!

ME
What do you mean?

THE DIRECTOR
This is a film about how Catholic priests rape
little boys.

THE DIRECTOR (CONT'D)
To clarify, the term Doubt is relevant as in "I
doubt you didn't molest that young black boy!"

THE DIRECTOR (CONT'D)
(offended)
What?

ME
Wow, he's black too?

THE DIRECTOR
You bet.

ME
Doesn't that seem like overkill, really? I mean,
is child molestation not controversial or
ostentatious enough by itself?

THE DIRECTOR
The fact that he's black TOTALLY MATTERS. If
he wasn't black, how could Amy Adams confront
his overwrought black mother?

ME
I was just hoping directors had given up topical
sensationalism. In other words, you can lead a
nun to water but you can't make her drink.

THE DIRECTOR
Well, even if that part is a tad over the top,
it balances out my discretion about Phillip
Seymour Hoffman's character!

ME
You mean that he's gay?

THE DIRECTOR
Only those with intuition most sage shall reveal
such a truth.

ME
I thought it was obvious given the whole gym
period fingernail sermon. Or the two sugar cubes
debacle. Or when Meryl Streep was in the atrium
collecting sticks to form a fagot for literally
no discernable reason. Or also--

THE DIRECTOR
Okay, fine. But when you've got a film that's
THIS important, it's acceptable to sacrifice
subtlety.

ME
Given the nature of the subject matter and
your last statement, this film suggests to me
that you think tabloids are mighty important.

THE DIRECTOR
I don't think you understand the significance
of the situation. I'm chronicling serious stuff
right here. It actually happened!

ME
So you're saying this concept alone provides
Doubt with irrefutable heft, regardless of
how little filmmaking techniques and story
telling are used to convey meaning?

THE DIRECTOR
You bet! People may indulge themselves with
fantasies about ancient warriors, starships,
and the Bovarian [sic] Illuminazis [sic...],
but those trifles just can't compete with real
life.

ME
And your embellishment of the "personal stories"
behind this nigh-overblown incident constitutes
reality?

THE DIRECTOR
If Doubt isn't completely authentic, I don't
know what is. I mean sure, I take an artistic
liberty here and there, kind of like 300, but
it's all in the name of truthfulness.

ME
I just feel all these subpar semi-biographies
that defer to "based on a true story" when
confronted with fault is kind of like beating
a dead nun here.

THE DIRECTOR
Why do you intertwine nuns and idioms? What
did nuns ever do to you?

ME
I don't know. I think it's purely factual. I've
never beat a dead horse, but I have beat a dead
nun before.

THE DIRECTOR
For real?

ME
Yeah.

THE DIRECTOR
Can I make a movie about your experiences? It's
guaranteed to garner the same Oscar praise as
Doubt. Your character is going to have to be a
tortured soul though. The killing will just be
an unfortunate misunderstanding because the
nun is actually a prostitute with a heart of gold.

THE DIRECTOR (CONT'D)
That, or she's black and the film will take place
in the south.

ME
Well, I totally agree with you there. Awardsy
organizations go nuts for that kind of thing.

THE DIRECTOR
Damn straight they do! The way I see it, my
only competition for Most Real Picture is the
film where that poor kid gets the chance of a
lifetime to earn his way out of those lurid
ghettos on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? and
he takes a bathroom break mid-question. Holy
[ EXPLETIVE DELETED ] I am simply in awe!

THE DIRECTOR (CONT'D)
The name escapes me, however.

ME
I think you're referring to Quiz Show. If I'm not
mistaken, that guy who played the tyrannical
nazi in Schindler's List is the protagonist, and
his plight tragically comes to an end when John
Turturro's character beats him to death with
his pimp cane.

THE DIRECTOR
What magnificent, top-notch drama! It certainly
proves that true-to-life stories are great in any
medium! What a cash cow! It sure is great to be
milking this nun!

THE DIRECTOR (CONT'D)
(confused)
What?

ME
Milking this nun?

THE DIRECTOR
What?

ME
A nun metaphor. You just used one.

THE DIRECTOR
(awkward silence)

ME
You too?

THE DIRECTOR
[ EXPLETIVE DELETED ]

-

You Just Ran Over Some Poor Feller's Dog!

2009-11-01T17:06:00.000-08:00

Marley & Me (2008)

Rating ... F (7)

In one of 2008's more dubious accomplishments, Hollywood has implicitly acknowledged the limited potential and diminishing returns of cinematic canines; after all, how interesting do studios really consider man's best friend if they feel obligated to transpose the social dilemmas of humans onto dogs not once, but twice? Beverly Hills Chihuahua was a smug paean to celeb culture, dog-related only to the extent it envsioned them as a new dimension of privilege and Tinseltown trend-setting, while Marley & Me returns the favor to the masses because here, a dog is not merely a dog, but rather a guardian angel sent to shepherd proles along the white picket-fenced path to happiness and fulfillment. How abhorrent is that conceit, exactly? Let's just say after this year, Air Bud moved up a couple notches.

If the Air Bud franchise's sweeping stupidity could be summarized in one line, "Ain't nothin' in the rules say dogs can't play basketball / football / baseball / soccer / volleyball!" then Marley & Me's sole defining feature - unassuming yet incredibly offensive sincerity - could also fit the mold, presumably "Ain't nothin' in the rules say dogs can't function as rancid metaphors for Life Itself - more specifically how we should learn to love one another, value what we have, and excuse ignorance and inadequacy on the grounds of doing the best one can."

Tripe like the aforementioned is only the tip of the iceberg of Marley & Me's reprehensible sentiments, all of which come shackled with a full nest because once again a dog is not merely a dog, but rather a blueprint for familial construction, a foot in the door for inevitably having a baby, then another baby, then ANOTHER baby because at this point might as well keep trying until we get one of each gender. I mean, what could be more wonderful really? In any case, Marley & Me is so frequently and pervasively obnoxious in its portrayal of ideal American living that it's difficult to find a good starting point. Of course it goes without saying that the film is tailor-made for blind followers of dogs, the kind who would never tire of Marley's bland cycle of cute disobediance, absent reprimand on account of his novelty or fuzzy-wuzziness. (When Wilson and Aniston disrupt traffic by stopping in the fast lane to corral Marley and other drivers voice their discontent, guess who's in the wrong?) At first the film simply denies punishment - a first person scene of spray from a hose hitting the camera implies castigation after Marley eats a valuable necklace but it's merely Wilson watering down some dog poo - but then altogether praises his unchecked destruction, because who else but Marley could tear through obstructive packaging so easily? In the film's incessant man-dog parallels Marley & Me upholds outdated social standards by cheerfully equating a neutered Marley to a married male, and then never bothering to elaborate or qualify the stance, while on the only occasion the movie contests the otherwise unquestioned awesomeness of full family living it resorts to stereotypical gender roles and household drama. Aniston throws a bitchfit about the stress of taking care of her brood while Wilson predictably counters with how he's the family's sole provider; in the eyes of Marley & Me this constitutes legitimate malaise, and not the indulgent whining of two brats bemoaning their lack of peace and quiet in spite of choosing to raise three children and an unruly animal.

To make matters worse, when Marley & Me ventures into territory outside the homestead it comes across as phony and abusive - an underhanded device designed to ruffle Wilson's feathers and send him scurrying back to the terra firma of family living. The film opens with overly fanciful notions of employment - Wilson's boss is just waiting for him, the naturally talented individual, to request a better position so he can double his salary - before revisiting the subplot when Wilson turns forty, whenst he puts on an insufferable woe-is-me, world-crumbling-around-us act about the impurities he's uncovered as a star columnist. Naturally this necessitates an emotional release he's unable to assuage as a part of society (though it's acceptable Marley shut down Boca Raton's only dog-friendly beach while trying) but easily overcomes in the retreat to his close-knit family.

If any of this sounds remotely appealing, director David Frankel (surprisingly responsible for 2006's infinitely more balanced and nuanced The Devil Wears Prada) manages to stoop even further during the film's final moments when it becomes opportune to overdramatize Marley's eventual demise - who could have seen that coming? - and enunciate once more the profound meaning of this simple dog's existence. Wilson solemnly narrates about their marvelous relationship - the unequivocal way in which he loved Marley and Marley loved him back - and Frankel plays it po' faced, as though there wasn't the slightest bit of incredulity present in the concept of a dog's reciprocation of human love. Then again, at this point why not also celebrate self-delusion? Ain't nothin' in the rules say we have to stop at close-mindedness and banality.

We Need Time ... For Some Things to Happen!

2009-11-01T17:04:00.001-08:00

The Girl Who Leapt Through Time (2008)

Rating ... A- (88)

The second funniest factual serve I've encountered on Wikipedia is called the euphemism treadmill. Essentially the manner by which euphemisms replace supposedly pejorative terms of original definition before being declared pejorative themselves and receiving the boot for new, less offensive euphemisms, the best example is probably that given, where folks pointlessly reclassified the nomenclature of permanent injury from "lame" to "crippled" to "handicapped" and so forth, up through "differently abled" and the unlisted "handicapable," which doesn't sound like the brand name of your extra-helpful tool kit.

As misfortune would have it, the American public's response to animation is undergoing a similar process of changing connotation. Walt's domain materially christened the filmmaking style with tales steeped in wonderment and unconventionality (e.g. Pinocchio, Fantasia) but since then the domestic role of animation has been gradually reinterpreted from its more mystical roots. Wikipedia might plot the trajectory as so:

Magical => Fanciful => Unrealistic => Immature => Cartoonish

No offense to cartoons, the best of which prove to be incisive commentary on human behavior, but the proclivity of today's post-Shrek fare to cater to the brood de soccer mom crowd with cartoonish exaggeration, easy humor, and underdeveloped pathos marks an all-time low in American animation. There exist some superlatives - non-Pixar even - but only as statistical outliers. Of course, you can hardly blame the purveyors of modern American animation for completely nailing the hierarchy of tastes and preferences within their geographical market, even if it does create one heck of a feedback loop between mediocre filmmaking and undemanding consumers. After all, animation in the states has never had the same privilege as Japan where demand for manga adaptations has cultivated the medium into an industry leader, which is a shame because other than the Lasseter/Disney-backed, hugely deserving Hayao Miyazaki Japanese animation has never achieved any degree of critical or box-office renown.

Thus arises a sort of cross-cultural irony considering this needle-in-a-haystack release in America was actually received as more of a chick-flick in Japan. Far as I can tell the meaning isn't necessarily analogous to our definition; it could just be code that you won't find any giant robots or samurai during the film. In fact, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time is more indebted to the style of Miyazaki, beginning with the point-of-view of the YFP (young female protagonist) about the town and/or daily living ... who in this case discovers the amazing ability to traverse backwards through her own chronology when she undertakes foolhardy physical jumps in the present - needless to say this feat comes in pretty handy navigating high school's various social conundrums. As you've probably surmised this retracing of time (Makato can't leap forward - it's always a way to revise past events) is a pretty intoxicating maneuver, but director Mamoru Hosoda has his sights set higher than wrist-slapping agents of power. When The Girl Who Leapt Through Time examines life at public school, Makato's ability is used to demonstrate social complexity and her desire to engineer situations to her perception of harmony. When it plays out like a love story, her leap back in time to restore her partner's squandered leap (which he used to rectify one of her many screw-ups) isn't treated like a dramatic device or contrivance but rather a wonderful evocation of the cycle of trangression and restitution within relationships. And when the film finally has its heroine on the brain we're rewarded with sharp moments of characterization such as the instances when she confides with her aunt, whose character is ostensibly a future dimension of the protagonist where passion has worn away into devotion, her profession as an art restorer indicative of the acknowledgement that some feelings are momentary as well as a method of encapsulating them into something permanent. Disappointingly, the ending is a direct nod/steal from Miyazaki's Porco Rosso, though you certainly can't fault the pedigree of the borrowed goods or the earnestness of their implementation. Still, based on our cotton candy rom-com standards and the film's deflating insights on romance and maturity, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time is probably the world's most sadistic chick-flick - and that's no euphemism.

Maximum Overdrive Hyper Blast ... to the Max!

2009-11-01T17:03:00.001-08:00

Max Payne (2008)

Rating ... C- (30)

Far be it from Hollywood to attempt much of anything that would qualify as original composition, and as a result Max Payne boasts box-office drawing, name-brand recognition. Video-game-to-movie may seem like a stretch as a pitch for drawing in dollars but the film's target audience is appropriately specific (PG-13 anyone?) and it's substantiated by Max Payne's place in video game history. For the uninitiated, back in the early 2000's, the gaming industry undertook steps to become more mature, and even though the transition accomplished nothing of the sort it nevertheless qualified as a success because video games now featured more gratuitous violence (not necessarily graphic, rather more colloquialized) and badass protagonists, i.e. elements that would make any thirteen year-old boy feel more mature. This trend also had the added bonus of expanding the product's marketability because let's face it - video games are fun, and nobody in the schoolyard can justifiably shit-kick you for playing something where you got to - I dunno - violently dispense justice on everybody directly or indirectly responsible for your family's death. Few were troubled by the fact this sort of narrative was incredibly generic and morally reprehensible to boot; in fact, to America it was the mark of maturity. Video games were becoming socially acceptable to the masses, and tripe like Halo and Max Payne spearheaded this shift with a modicum of anything you might desire from a game, such as engaging gameplay, complex level design, or sound stories. Far-reaching prolies then repaid the favor by claiming the titles to be the first-ever instances of art in the gaming community, neatly bypassing deserving morality tales like Fallout and StarCraft or the extraordinary lyricism of Link's Awakening. (In cinematic terms, the omission is akin to skipping straight from silent films to Lord of the Rings.) Those games required actual scrutiny and rewarded attention to detail (as partial attestation, UC Berkeley currently offers a class for StarCraft) while with Max Payne, well - you get to assault the punks that assaulted you first, guilt-free and significance-free. Who could turn that down?

Of course, if your prior experience with Max Payne is limited to this review, right now you're probably thinking this is something that validates The Simpson's amusing skewering of masculinity and empowerment where Homer changes his name to Max Powers. And more importantly, you're not alone. The simplicity of Max Payne the game transfers cleanly into Max Payne the movie. Ruffians fueled by Valkyr - a failed drug designed to boost the combat prowess of Army soldiers now used to hallucinogenic ends - kill Payne's loved ones. He kills them and follows their trail to the higher-ups responsible for the product's distribution. In fact, he disposes of them with such overwrought machismo he's rewarded with heavenly imagery for his heroic, law-bypassing deeds to society. It shouldn't surprise you, then, that Max Payne's high-contrast, black and white cinematography reflects the film's myopic moral outlook, and that even the film's joyous splotches of color still wind up rote and predictable. (Orange during a flashback? No way!) Never mind the plot particulars - Max has to see the same winged tattoo over and over to realize it signifies a Valkyr abuser and the film's ragged script fails to develop the characters beyond their po' faced bid at justified revenge - they only get in the way of the bullet-time. If that sounds slight, just remember: Max Payne is artistic achievement if an adolescent male ever saw it.

Told You Guys I Was Hradcore!

2009-11-01T15:24:00.000-08:00

Death Race (2008)

Rating ... C- (32)

How do you ruin a B-movie? Paul W.S. Anderson's (Resident Evil, Mortal Kombat - yes, the man's rivaling Uwe Boll at this point) Death Race seems to indicate that time will do the trick. Used to be B-Movies were simply low budget, high entertainment productions with less regard for classical elements, which isn't inherently shameful, even if its moniker suggests otherwise. Now, mired in the age of self-help, therapy, and psychiatry, Death Race presents an updated definition that strays from pointed satire and disposable entertainment into belligerent self-actualization. (Yeah, I'm a B-Movie! What of it? You don't know me!)

It's this mindset that makes Death Race nearly unwatchable. Led by the reliably awesome Jason Statham, everyone in Death Race is an insufferable badass intent on proving audiences can't just write off their macho personas. Statham is so incredibly manly he breaks opposing strike-breakers himself while the film's other males all find time to emit guttural noises towards the camera (usually as they approach it in slow motion), even if their function is purely to be defeated by Statham. This rampant badassery extends to women as well, from Joan Allen's scenery-chomping stern, matriarchal warden to Natalie Martinez's generic busty sidekick whose mere presence elicits lame metaphors, i.e. the release of a bottled up oil slick. Whenever Death Race stumbles upon a mildly creative action sequence, its effect is always flagrantly diminished because it must always be prefaced with a snide victor/victim exchange where the winner offers anticipatory gloating while the loser says something along the lines of "OH SHIT!"

Death Race offers little by way of a rewarding narrative, meaning it was much better when it was called Mario Kart and you were able to perform all the swift driving and car-to-car attacking yourself. Coincidentally, Death Race was also far more entertaining when it was called Death Race 2000 and it was created in the 70's with Roger Corman's gleeful unadornmant and blatant subtext, which didn't exactly make it good, but at least made it amusing, which in turn made it a reasonably successful B-movie of old. Death Race occurs in the near future of sensationalized economic ruin and draws obvious parallels to 2007's WWE shlockfest The Condemned in its depiction of bloodthirsty prolies savoring internet-streamed broadcasts of graphic sporting competitions. Where The Condemned essentially ripped of Kenji Fukisawa's Battle Royale, the sensibilities of Death Race remain closer to its predecessor, even if it's stripped of the former's underlying commentary in favor of rousing violence. (What is this, Dawn of the Dead?) In Corman's Death Race 2000 the racers mowed down ordinary citizens and scored bonus points for those less economically contributing, including women, children, and old people, with the overall joke likening the viewers of such a program to the folks killed during it. Here the carnage is completely car to car with no third parties, no real chaos, no apprehension, and no bite. That Statham's crowd favorite racing persona Frankenstein is one in a long line of Frankensteins is no longer a twist that comments on the American public's gullibility and infatuation with icons but merely an excuse for him to don a mask that badassishly intimidates his opponents. Of course, when you're the only guy who actually navigates the track's shortcuts and you have the ability to drive backwards around the course for a spell and still come out on top, do you really need intimidation on your side in the first place? Like the relationship between most originals and their remakes, the existence of Death Race in the presence of Death Race 2000 is simply excess.

Hitler on the Roof?

2009-11-01T15:23:00.000-08:00

In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2008)

Rating ... C (42)

Uwe Boll may the greatest universal punching bag since Dan Quayle but his four English language films have each taken baby steps away from his D-grade debut with House of the Dead (a technical travesty by any standard but at least among the funniest bad movies in recent memory until The Wicker Man stole its thunder) and in his most recent, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, Boll continues the trend. The guy may still need marked improvement when it comes to coaxing performances out of paycheck-collecting cast members (Dungeon Siege is unintentionally its own spoiler because the weakest actors fail to obscure that they're also the most treacherous), creating legitimate drama, or deriving narrative significance but his newest movie is once again his peak, meaning that even if the hopelessly generic is best he can offer, his pinnacle is now less pathetic than that of Michael Bay (during The Island, there were actually moments that did not contain overwrought histrionics or the effects of incendiary devices), M. Night Shyamalan (also putting on his best show in his most recent The Happening - too bad he's yet to elevate himself from unintentional comedy), and Todd Solondz. (The most tolerable and least offensive part of each of the three movies I've seen by him continues to be the darkest part of the ending fade-out.)

In the eyes of Boll, the world needed another lackluster post-LotR, or he needed more funds. (His movies are still German tax shelters, and he comes out ahead whether or not the film does at the box office. To be clear, unlike the American versions of the 80's, this isn't illegal - just indicative of his laughable inadequacy.) Like House of the Dead and Bloodrayne, the video game source material (I don't have any first-hand experience with Dungeon Siege, though reputedly it's a Diablo clone with an added "bonus" of an autopilot setting) is thematically thin, allowing ample opportunity for amateur screenwriting clichés to fill in the gaps. Jason Statham plays a guy simply named Farmer (a case of easy abstraction - Vault Dweller this isn't), a pacifist patriarch who asks nothing more than his hometown doesn't get pillaged by not-Orcs. It does, and he journeys cross-country with a couple pals to track down his kidnapped wife. Numerous Lord of the Rings hand-me-downs occur including inexplicable magic, passive forest dwellers, and extreme long shots of the group in transit while when the inevitable battles arrive Boll opts for irritating mid-sequence wipes that suffocatingly emphasize the two-dimensionality of his shots and refuse the viewer the privelige of spatial navigation. Also present of the director's trademarks are his momentary flashbacks, which are still amusing in their convenient punctuality but nevertheless more smoothly woven into the narrative fold because the dialogue doesn't explicitly set them up. Unfortunately the film's clunker plotline (the parochial Statham doesn't give a flip about his country, only his wife ... until it's forseeably proven to live peacefully with his wife he sort of requires a country, and not an evil dominion) heavily outweighs what few decent scenes exist (Boll's first use of imagery - Leelee Sobieski gazes into a pulsating reflective surface predictably to signify emotional dubiety ... from her point of view though, it's probably better than getting kicked into one a la the aforementioned The Wicker Man), and in vain compensation Boll turns to Peter Jackson and Lord of the Rings for aid. While House of the Dead was a product of post-Matrix-ism, In the Name of the King is similarly post-Lord of the Rings (this was Alone in the Dark's one defining attribute - it felt like a failure all Boll's own) to no avail, other than the wildly metaphorical. Is the reluctant-to-fight Farmer a stand-in for Uwe Boll, content to dispense schlock for personal and financial gratification, only stooping to challenge his critics to boxing matches when justly provoked? If you believe that, I'd be willing to sell you some tickets to Boll's upcoming Broadway smash: Hitler on the Roof.

Insulting Oxymoron #273: The Great Depression!

2009-11-01T14:19:00.000-08:00

Kit Kittredge: An American Girl (2008)

Rating ... B (61)

I've come to appreciate more kidpics than I anticipated, and the reason is not solely because I've seen The Cat in the Hat. I don't know the precise date of the schism but at some point in the past family films either became or were declared juvenile by the masses (undoubtedly a topic that coincides with the domination of multiplexes by adolescent and teenage boys) and thus less desirable despite being written, directed, and produced by adults. Of course, studios have little choice but to go with the flow in their response to target audience considerations, and as a result kidpics received an unofficial public appeal rating in accordance with their box office performance, which at the current moment stands somewhere between mild nuisance and leper colony. (Animated "family films" have traditionally fared better though ironically the target market is in essence the same, since it's not like children drive themselves to see How to Eat Fried Worms.)

As fortune would have it, the niche carved out by the contemporary kidpic has become unintentionally advantageous under the right circumstances. When given a topic as blatantly lose-lose as the Great Depression, to be frank I'd rather watch a kidpic that tackles the subject as opposed to an awardsy drama. The implicit requirement of a kidpic to remain upbeat (at least to some degree) in order to please audiences in light of it concerning difficult situations often produces an appropriate feeling of bittersweetness - a term you might also recognize when it's incorrectly deemed to be "sugar-coated" by folks more responsive to Oscar bait drivel hellbent on smearing protagonists' faces in the dirt (allegedly justified because it's set in harsh times) or worse, romanticizing characters' selfless deeds and depicting them with badass overemphasis and nauseating contrast. To the boon of discerning audiences everywhere, however, Kit Kittredge has elected to follow the former path.

As a tale of weathering hardship during the Depression, Kit Kittredge finds additional mileage by its kidpic status when it relates the literal, can-do mindset of its child protagonist to the self-respect lost and regained by depressed workers in the face of obstacles and rejection. Though perhaps clunkily integrated into the story, Kit manages to solve a mystery at the same time, in this case a string of repeated thefts, the blame for which was mistakenly approbated on hobos by the prolies, which suggests the social inequality that exacerbated tensions at the time. When Kit's mother opts to rent rooms in their house to boarders to make ends meet, her choice is not bluntly signaled by crude drama but rather played out with unheralded nobility, even though it is ultimately an example of personal sacrifice squandered.

In its leisurely pacing Kit Kittredge finds opportunities to display the tribulations of the Great Depression with exceptional wisdom and understanding, but in terms of classical structure the narrative feels sluggish. Kit is packed tight into one hundred minutes with a few too many characters (the film features many recognizable faces including Joan Cusack, Stanley Tucci, and the bald guy from Whose Line Is It Anyways? though few become three-dimensional) and subplots (some sections are glanced over, like Max Theriot's surrogate daughter learning to read), crowding out time better spent in other areas. The film's mystery is solved in one swift stint before audiences have time to ponder it (though they'll likely be able to reconstruct the scenario shortly before it's explained), while the plot remains slightly monotonous absent a mystical element, often literalized (though by no means less lyrical were it to be figurative) by more successful genre endeavors like Holes, Nancy Drew, and Aquamarine. Nevertheless, Kit Kittredge periodically finds equally candid and appropriately sentimental drama, best represented when a boarder's son fakes a letter from his father (whose return is uncertain) in order to soothe his mother, indicative not only of the personal shame and inadequacy suffered by patriarchs unable to provide for their household and "beat the system" by prospering amidst national problems irreconcilable on an individual level but also that familial cohesion, like physical hunger or occupational fulfillment, is a matter of necessity.

No One Takes a Photo of Something They Want to Forget!

2009-11-01T14:18:00.000-08:00

(Title courtesy the lulzy One-Hour Photo - maybe one of these days I'll compile these idiotic quotes)

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)

Rating ... C+ (50)

Are the Judd Apatow troop's sensibilities too crowd-pleasing for their own good? When they stormed onto the scene in 2005 with lurid, blatantly attention-grabbing conceits about an above averagely old virgin and somehow managed to retain folks' attention and appreciation beyond the premise in spite of the film's swerve into less raucous and reasonably nuanced exploration of modern-man issues, a formula was codified. Three years and three movies later, with little discernable variation on a film-to-film basis - arguably due to their firm grasp of popular support - one has to wonder if the guys will ever decide to change their act.

In Apatow's favor, the simplest counter is probably "Why bother?" Even to the scattered naysayers, the appeal is obvious. Aside from the ribald humor (something adults can enjoy, see) his movies are still the cleverest artifice guys ever pulled for those moments of multiplex decision-making; what we have here is inherently masculine territory with a sensitive underbelly for gals seeking a fair and equal rom-com, even though under scrutiny the films protect, assuage, and overall throw bones for their central, male protagonists at nearly every angle. By this point it's simply understood that unexceptional, lazy guys will inevitably hook up with attractive women but in the case of Forgetting Sarah Marshall somebody upped the ante. Not only does our hero write awesome, unappreciated music, the film applauds his pathetic oversensitivity, and when his two romantic entanglements go awry, on both occasions the films deems the breakup the fault of the women. (When Sarah Marshall leaves him for a flaky pop singer, annoyed at his persistent self-pity, he's been abused and later she has to pine to regain his affections; also, after he meets a Hawaiian native named Rachel on a getaway vacation but fools around with Sarah during their relationship, he's supposed to be in the clear for declining the offer mid-BJ - I mean DAYAM WOMAN, what will power, gosh.)

Like the group's movies before it, Forgetting Sarah Marshall is made with some undeniable comedic prowess and leisurely affability as a welcome complement (I recommend the dinner table discussion of a movie that eeriely resembles One Missed Call as the film's finest example, where the superb Russell Brand declares narratives too liberal with subtext to be "a metaphor for a crap movie") but along the way no member of the team seems to have picked up the ability to refrain demonstrating ideas and concepts that are already apparent, if not entirely explicit. Sarah Marshall works for an amusing C.S.I. Miami type show - evident from the first scene with Baldwin in the Caruso role and the offhand sunglasses maneuver - but later it's made exceedingly clear what's being spoofed. The hand-holding continues through explanations about the awesomeness of sex, pearl necklaces, and likenings of the hero's plight to Dracula, while the film also falters with unfunny reoccurrences like a couple of sexually inexperienced southern Baptists and lilting non-sequiturs, the most glaring of which is easily a baffling, unwarranted flashback that assures audiences our man wore sweatpants for a week, located promptly after a simple admission of such. To be sure, at more serious intervals Forgetting Sarah Marshall understands the susceptibility that often accompanies a romantic fallout, but next time its purveyors might exert less effort in making sure we understand too.

Bring Back Uwe Boll

2009-11-01T14:04:00.001-08:00

Prom Night (2008)

Rating ... F (5)

The trash appeal of old school slasher flicks may persist in the face of their uniformly improbable plotting and pop-psychology, but at least they tried, which is more than anyone can claim on behalf of Prom Night, a PG-13-ified remake with a hackneyed jump scare on every mirrored surface and an offensive reduction of gender roles when the environment boasts scenery with less than specular reflectivity. Understandably, one might expect very little from an H-wood dump during post-Oscar, pre-Summer doldrums but they're given even less from Prom Night, whose forseeable disposability and thematic void pales in the face of its insulting implausibility.

Nobody can find solace in a horror movie - at least, not for long - not even at their own prom. Donna, played by Brittany Snow, is one such individual and evidentally living a story ripped from the tabloids where in the past an unstable high school teacher became so infatuated with her he slaughtered her entire family, and has recently escaped federal prison via a conveniently placed vent, presumably out to finish what he started. (During the sequence, the psycho arbitrarily obtains a sharp object, and also slits his cellmate's throat before exiting. Suffice it to say it's not the only scene I'm at a loss to logically explain.) During all of this, Donna is hard at work planning for the future with her prom escort (who seriously pushes the actors-not-in-high-school-playing-people-in-high-school trend, because he looks to be about 30) and corralling her buddies who squabble with the school's queen bee about prom king and queen. When the psycho makes his way to the hotel, teenagers begin to get dead, all by the same abdomen stab accompanied by a facial close-up. Donna's parents decide - despite police notification, who felt the situation was dire enough to merit immediate investigation - the best course of action was to ignore the life-threatening danger in order to preserve her prom night. Likewise, when the cops bust the party and declare a state of emergency (easily among the year's greatest achievements in sound, an alarm that says "ALERT ... PLEASE EXIT THE BUILDING ... THIS IS AN EMERGENCY" for close to five minutes), a number of the teens refuse to leave until the king and queen are crowned. (Half-hearted commentary on the parochial nature of high school, if you're exceedingly generous.) Once out of the building, rather than head to protective custody Donna and her hubby venture back to her place, concluding along the way that being pursued by a psychopath who slaughtered all of your friends isn't really your fault (duh!), so that the film's last remaining personality can shoot the perp just in the nick of time. Truthfully, the only revelation here is that if third rate studios insist on releasing intermittent sleaze, the least they can do is complement half-assed storytelling with hysterically inadequate filmmaking. In other words, bring back Uwe Boll.

Electrons ... They Don't Dance!

2009-11-01T13:46:00.000-08:00

Iron Man (2008)

Rating ... C+ (51)

Marvel returns to their bread and butter with Iron Man, a franchise foot-in-the-door whose colloquial tongue-in-cheek habitually recalls the studio's endeavor with the most financial clout, Spider-Man. Though unencumbered by the soap opera nadir of the most recent and most digressive of the Spider-Man series, Iron Man contains little of the cozy insularity found in Parker's NYC environment or the intimacy of his initiation to newfound ability. As if out to counter the unearned gravitas often fronted in other superhero films, Iron Man swings too far the other direction and plays everything for lulz, with seemingly little else on its mind. (Instances when the characters knowingly - and often explicitly - shun traditional superhero clichés are perhaps Iron Man's funniest moments, but scenes like Tony Stark testing out his thrusters play like a stunt from Jackass while the last line of the movie practically codifies the film's jesting atmosphere, a fact that only seems troublesome given the film's otherwise slight impact.)

The underlying problem with Iron Man is that it's principally a film of easy moral stances, if any at all. Tony Stark's Iron Man is not a pinnacle of complex progression or complicated ethical dilemmas; head honcho at Stark Industries, an industry leader in the manufacturing of weapons, Stark undergoes a brisk, forseeable turnabout after a run-in with Afghan terrorists demonstrates to him first hand his weapons - usually intended for peacekeeping via threat, or if needed, one-stop shopping in the department of total annihilation of one's enemies - actually incite violence in third world countries. This outrage at war profiteering and putting weapons in the wrong hands, stretched over a two hour running length with little else bolstering Stark's ethos, can't help but seem embarassingly thin, especially in light of the expert deconstruction of public image and the price of heroism in the summer's occasionally harrowing The Dark Knight.

Just as Iron Man is unconcerned personally, so to is it politically. The narrative strains for global reverberation at the same time it half-heartedly details what compels Stark to become Iron Man. Allocation for origin material is obviously a must, but it's no excuse for a letdown denouement, where Stark simply cleans out skeletons in his corporate closet, at best a tenuous suggestion America needs to address its own infrastructure before policing with big guns. Little attention is paid to the element of mechanization here, which never veers into cybernetics but nevertheless ignores that Stark finally acquries a "heart" when imbued with new technological powers, and how dangerously clear-cut plans of action become when he begins to use the suit. Seldom rousing or discerning, the general apathy on display here suggests Iron Man is business as usual.

Mahal's Navy

2009-11-01T13:30:00.001-08:00

Slumdog Millionaire (2008)

Rating ... F (9)

Slumdog Millionaire is a return to form for the Academy. After two consecutive years where voters curiously bestowed top prize on halfway decent movies (The Departed and No Country for Old Men) it seems the Crash crowd has regained control. Slumdog Millionaire flawlessly satisfies the award's ostensible quota of tenuous connections, rampant bombast, and overblown conflagrations while simultaneously stooping to soft-peddle social issues and provide easy uplift to the cheap seats. "You don't have to be a genius! [to win at Millionaire]" exclaims protag Jamal while he's being questioned by Indian police (his later responses to his torturers are that of insufferable righteous indignation) in one of many instances where the film brazenly extols mediocrity. So in the spirit of Jamal, you don't have to be a complete prole to enjoy Slumdog Millionaire ... but it sure helps.

Jamal is a typical Indian boy. He is also a contestant on the Indian version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? which he will most certainly win, if that wasn't already obvious given the title. The two coincide to form the film's principal gimmick - that Jamal wins at the show not because he's intelligent or well-learned but because the questions are all magically form-fit to the events of his past, the details of which are interspersed between him being asked the question and his response. These interludes actually comprise the bulk of the film and become tiring rather quickly considering director Danny Boyle's limited stylistic repetoire of garish yellow filter and canted frame. To make matters worse each flashback is edited and shot as though it were a music video, which is not simply annoying but blatant hypocrisy when you consider how it clashes with the segments' overall tone of third world guilt - which just so happens to be an irritating mantra in its own right. (The film's sightseeing cinematography confirms its cursory attitude and arrant refinement for western audiences - if you believe what you see here, the landscape of India consists entirely of slums and call centers ... and the Taj Mahal, of course.)

Slumdog Millionaire is so infatuated with its own awardsy appeal that it can scarcely be bothered to create any sort of foundation for all its hysteria. (No surprise nearly every place Jamal frequents is a seedy joint or den of thieves, but even benign encounters like his brief stint as a cook are rife with anti-aristocratic histrionics. Why expect a successful figure of wealth and stature to act anything but conceited?) Jamal austerely sulks and glares through his every scene - because as we all know being more serious is directly related to how effectively the film communicates something of meaning! - not because the situation calls for it but because he's conveniently entitled to this pious disposition on account of his Traumatic Past. Jamal barrels through events and scenarios of varying brutality but their function is merely to act as illusory roadblocks to his inevitable success on the show, and accordingly Slumdog Millionaire never sees fit to provide any actual examination of the social grievances it presents. The questions on Millionaire conveniently mesh with Jamal's backstory and allow him to broadcast his image nationwide to reunite with his childhood sweetheart but the film's love story is wafer-thin - replete with eye-rollingly ponderous statements on how the two are fated to be together yet devoid of dramatic conflict or opposing viewpoints. Slumdog's climax is shamelessly manufactured for maximum heartstring tugging in addition to being utterly artless in its construction; the nature of the final question is bluntly forecasted when Jamal continues to namedrop the same literary reference for no specific reason during the film's first half, and on top of that the question is disconcertingly easy (even though it's the last question) in order to reinforce the film's praise of idiocy and accompanying implication that destiny will safeguard an individual despite his or her cluelessness. Hell, Slumdog can't even be bothered to ascertain the particulars of Millionaire with any reasonable accuracy. "Miss this question and you'll lose everything!" the host cautions; except, an incorrect response in Millionaire drops a player back to a predefined benchmark, not zero, meaning the omission was likely intentional in service of cheesy tension ratcheting for an endeavor Jamal can't lose. It's a trifling complaint, to be sure, but unfortunately it's also entirely emblematic of Slumdog Millionaire at its worst - affectation at the expense of actuality.

This Is Not a Brutality ... It's a Fatality!

2009-11-01T13:17:00.000-08:00

(Wrong, Jarek!)

The Happening (2008)

Rating ... F (4)

M. Night Shyamalan hates science, believes in magic, and exploits domestic apprehension of airborne chemicals in his latest failed pot-boiler, The Happening. (RECYCLE ... or plants will kill you.) Originally scripted to have a magical guitar solve everybody's problems at the end (it's not the baseball bat from Signs, whoops) but eternally the movie about "killer plants," Shyamalan reaffirms the downward spiral of rampant egomania and ham-fisted storytelling his films have always touted yet suddenly veered toward in 2006's Lady in the Water. Listen, GUYS ... M. Night Shyamalan is bursting with great ideas the world simply must have preached to them, the most notable of which is a series of vague axioms delivered with suffocating pretension on how we should "treat the planet," because we've never heard these sentiments before. (Also, DRIVE HYBRID CARS ... or plants will kill you.) Where exactly this sermonizing fits into a horror movie is anyone's guess, but that might be more relevant if The Happening was remotely suspenseful, not unintentionally hilarious, or in any fashion a product that resembled Shyamalan's usual atmospheric intentions. While there's plenty terrifying about how Mark Wahlberg can scour a car in search of a map, turn on the radio for literally no reason, and listen placidly while an arbitrary dispatch spews out a suspiciously planted speech on how nuclear power plants are more widespread in the Northeast and pollutin' away, it's impossible to trump what The Happening indicates about Shyamalan's evolution as a director and how he's slipped even from cheap twists and fancy camerawork to his current nadir of contrived and amateurish filmmaking, in this case a story lifelessly conveyed through news broadcasts, malicious stereotypes, and mood rings. (BUY MOOD RINGS ... or plants will kill you.) Of course, it's not really about killer plants - and I suppose that's the twist here - but rather about how there are just some things science can't (yet) explain that must be classified as "acts of nature," hence why Shyamalan never actually owns up to any diegetic logic for the hooplah. (Though he's mighty keen on diegetic self-verification seeing as his bent on science / nature is spoken quite bluntly as dialogue ... twice, and when it's suggested that this outbreak could be explainable given the isolated geography - i.e. not an act of God, or should I say an act of M. Night Shyamalan? - he then has one of his abundant newscasters refute the notion by saying it in fact must be if the event occurred elsewhere, before proceeding to France and scripting the shit hit the fan.) How anybody could seriously swallow Shyamalan's pseudo-philosophical claptrap is beyond me, especially when his piss-poor writing earnestly uses slow motion "NO-OOOO!" scenes and "God help us" equivalents at regular intervals, in addition to the failure of a title like The Happening, which only suggests the monumental importance Shyamalan places on his own simplistic thesis. In retrospect, there's a reason science doesn't account for the supernatural; The Happening may be bad, but it's beyond even the great M. Night Shyamalan to make a film that's really and truly, magically and unexplainably bad. Like most films, his sucks for a reason.

Dragon Hunters (2008)

Rating ... D+ (20)

I don't intend to be irritably unremitting with Dragon Hunters, what with the rating and all, but animation for animation's sake, a cornucopia of visual worlds with meat and potatoes elements obligated into existence, flippantly along for the ride in a ho-hum narrative just doesn't seem so wondrous with Pixar on the loose, an entity whose efforts routinely scintillate with comparable graphical luster - and equivalent compassion to boot. Eye candy held null, Hunters comes across as medieval fantasy crossed with buddy cop, a combination I would have deemed completely unheralded had not my recent viewing of the equally vapid Dragonheart, whose baffling marriage of the sniggering, petulant knight Dennis "My-smile-is-oddly-triangular" Quaid and Sean Connery's jolly, farcical - ah yes - ancient dragon whose species is bordering on extinction, startlingly snatched the feat first. Of course, the pairing in Dragon Hunters is nowhere near as willfully arbitrary, opting instead for the noncommittal, Leguizamo-esque runt contrasted with the diffident brute that harbors Unexpressed Profundity for convenient third act discharge. The two habitually rout dragon spawns and viewer attention spans in their mundane quest to rid their inert, aerological homeland of not-from-Super Mario RPG Zombone, an undead dragon effortlessly defeated by a "pure heart," which in this case ostensibly refers to a status attained by sporting no other discernable characteristics. (Ironically, given the insufficiency of logical evidence to support the maneuver, it inevitably recalls Yu-Gi-Oh's favorite cop-out, the "heart of the cards.") As you might have expected, the end result involves prevailing over antagonists, and as balance returns you can't help but suspect the entire ordeal was basically caprice, a tenuous concoction designed for writer / director Arthur Qwak to gallavant around in his chimerical world of celestial landscapes and floating debris, none of which ever seems indicative of - well - anything. In other words, what we have here isn't magic, or even fantasy; it's merely whimsy.

Untraceable (2008)

Rating ... D+ (27)

Untraceable may be under the assumption its sleazy ogrish vid exposé is for the greater good, but like 2007's Battle Royale ripoff The Condemned, which argued the soullessness of reality TV by showing audiences a soulless reality TV reenactment, the film's central substitution device reveals itself to be a shallow and pointless - beyond notions of advocacy, of course - method of slumming it. "Don't do X, we'll explain why by showcasing X," is the formula to Untraceable, a Se7en descendent that castigates viewers who would derive pleasure from gruesome internet videos by assembling its own serial killer setpieces that conveniently mimic the form. Undeterred by elements that would diverge from this moral message (like fixing the film's severely underwritten characters - Diane Lane has a kid whose birthday she can't entirely attend when she's called to duty ... woah, deep), Untraceable only contains a single interesting idea to contribute to the serial killer subgenre. The film's antagonist doesn't outright slaughter his victims, but rather creates elaborate methods of dispatching them that exacerbate as more people tune into the website to watch. Unfortunately, the concept is dead wrong, literalizing the cyclical nature of the "problem" as a function of perpetually increasing supply and demand (one person supplies, viewers demand, more people supply, and more viewers demand) when in reality it's merely an issue of a minority of individuals of a niche subgroup proliferating the grisly vids amongst themselves for their own amusement (in other words, there's no market here), which invalidates the basis for film's overzealous sermonizing. Maybe the film has a point here and there - i.e. people enjoy watching the suffering others, a tenet seemingly substantiated by a whole slew of movies, from Requiem for a Dream to Hostel and the likes - but Untraceable fails to explore them, and it gives the film a rather high-and-mighty vantage point. Of course, one shouldn't rule out other possibilities at work here. "He hacked into my car's computer!" exclaims Diane Lane towards the finale; quite ostensibly, stupidity is why Untraceable fights fire with fire and expects not to get burned.

One Missed Call (2008)

Rating ... D (15)

The J-Horror remake One Missed Call is - quite literally - Ringu where protagonists fail to answer the phone. Future body bags aren't required to watch an avant-garde video to receive the call but they'd do well to avoid parental neglect in their subsequent lives, as is fast becoming a motif / cry for help from such Japanese horror offerings not entitled Pulse. Yes, more ghost boys and girls are out to wreak random havoc upon clueless yuppies and their electronic gadgets of soullessness. Random vengeance is king - today's ghost girl assaults victims via arbitrary cell phone contact-list surfing - and the only hope for survival is casing what's left of the joint where she died in a fire and enlisting her metaphysical mommy to pacify the brat. ("They've identified all the bodies!" exclaims the film's do-gooder cop when asked about the possibility that the mom's corpse is causing the slayings, after which he ventures to the crumbled hospital and discovers a body conveniently propped against the wall.) One Missed Call may be rooted in a distinctly Japanese narrative but it plays like a typical slasher, to the bewilderment of viewers everywhere who might easily wonder why their Final Destination rip-off is being interrupted by a hilariously inexplicable hand that grabs ahold of Meagan Good's face and pulls her underwater, before coming back for her tabby. The only heroine of any duration, since none of any significance exist, is Shannyn Sossamon who spearheads the search for Ghosty Mc-Possible-Victim-of-Parental-Abuse and along the way reveals exactly one thing about herself: namely, that after seeing her father hang himself through the peephole on her door, she's now afraid of the peephole - i.e. the medium she viewed this ghastly event through, rather than the ghastly event itself. By this asinine logic (perhaps the movie's only brand) viewers should now be afraid of film. In other words, audiences should be more afraid of this celluloid than the images contained in it. To somebody somewhere, evidently that's an achievement.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (2008)

Rating ... B- (57)

Wipes, graphic matches, and cell phones inundate the continuing adventures of the Sisterhood (four college gals cozily conjoined by a pair of magically one-size-fits-all jeans) to acknowledge the ease of literal - if not figurative - connectivity in today's society, but still the unfortunate constant in the franchise is that all narratives aren't created equal. Soccer sensation Bridget once again dominates the plot department and coasts off the first film's classy debunking of trendy 2000's tomboyism as a poor substitute for estrogenic empathy, while the second installment finds her doing dirty work at an archaeological camp, uncomfortably juxtaposed against folks who would rather see enduring emotional problems go to the grave than confront them. ("At what point does death become scientific and cease to be emotional?" asks the dig leader.) However, for all the fearless trailblazing of Bridget's segment, the film noticeably struggles - that is to say, reverts to averageness regarding traditional troubles of heartbreak and intimacy - to provide similar heft out of dissimilar parts. In other news, Lena treads water with head/heart woes in identical fashion to the original and discernable rifts between the girls begin to develop as a result of the tug of separation. In addition to individual stories for each of the members there seems to be a subplot at every turn, and the film's blending tactics are often cloying, either employing overstepping narration or hazy writing. (Three instances find somone declaring a relationship or feeling to be "real," which hasn't changed from being a vague sentiment that doesn't really refer to anything in particular, the cinematic equivalent of labeling a burgeoning musical genre "progressive.") Still, fans of the original will want to tune in, not simply because Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 is a rare sequel that doesn't blatantly disappoint, but because it compassionately affirms that the complexities of womanhood (in a nice dovetailing of Lena's figure drawing classes, Bridget's missing letters, Carmen's musings on contemporary vernacular, and Tibby's unwriteable screenplay) are often beyond words.

Seven Pounds (2008)

Rating ... F (3)

Seven Pounds is a morally dubious melange of atypical roles for its lead actor, none more hilariously baffling than the simple realization that Will Smith actually plays Santa Claus. Bound and determined to end his own life via a laughably symbolic (spoiler) after committing an unspeakable offense that resulted in (spoiler, but you can check your Psych 101 textbook if you wish to know ahead of time), Smith's outspoken IRS agent Ben Thomas now wields his government connections in service of the greater good, using them to contact several individuals, offering "gifts" if they're "good people" and "deserving" while administering his own castigation if he deems them "bad" - an offensively reductive ethos the film whole-heartedly purports by simply scripting its major characters as blatantly good or bad. Of course, Seven Pounds doesn't stop at its childish naughty-and-nice antics; as the opening scene artlessly reveals, Ben succeeds in his suicide mission, forging himself a new position - from Father Christmas to Father Christ. Which vantage point is more detestable? That Hollywood drama wants it both ways - preciously uplifting and depressingly somber - on the shoulders of long-winded anecdotes and Will Smith's n'th martyr-bit? Or that the best way one human being can apologize to another is through self-induced blaze of glory? In other words, you're in deep shit when Will2K dons multiple roles, all of which are inferior to getting jiggy with it.

Hamlet 2 (2008)

Rating ... C (36)

"It doesn't matter if you're talented as long as you're enthusiastic!" While I might be prepared to overlook that this quote is the enunciated theme for a writer's strike-era production (on a related note, 2008 seems to be a banner year for proles to receive collective hand-jobs, what with this and the atrocious Slumdog Millionaire's flagrant genuflection at the altar of mediocrity), there's just no excuse for subpar filmmaking. Hamlet 2 aims to subvert the inspirational teacher genre by momentarily acknowledging inadequacy, limitations, and unwillingness before excusing these shortcomings - and implicitly, the need for bettering oneself - in the name of zeal. On the subject of limitations, it seems director Andrew Fleming is much too nice a fellow to helm a movie concerning the notion of failed artists writing sequels to Hamlet out of desperation. (Terry Zwigoff territory, anybody?) Fleming seemed comfy behind the camera of 2007's superb Nancy Drew - a relentlessly chipper romp whose final reel eloquently recognized the shades of self-delusion and futility of Nancy's problem-solving - but working with the complete opposite where a full-time loser finally makes it big he seems hesitant to commit, routinely undermining scenes that would reveal the sad incompetence behind Steve Coogan's dopey drama teacher as mere jokes. (Case in point, that Coogan genuinely thinks Hamlet is too much of a "downer" and wants to remove the tragic elements.) This lack of confidence even manages to spill over into whole scenes of Hamlet 2. When Coogan and his troupe forcibly perform the play to the consternation of the school and other such authorities, the film resorts to diegetic self-affirmation in order to justify the spectacle. Hamlet 2 is obviously a bastion of willingness over ability, but its repeated scenes of ousted hecklers and skeptical audience members joyously coming around to the play despite initial reservations (the play's audience are real-life audience stand-ins, geddit?) reek of insecurity. Needless to say the play is a smash and it hits Broadway as an afterthought - it also just so happens that this untalented, super-enthusiastic play is full of empty quirk, best illustrated by the "Rock Me Sexy Jesus" number, a piece of hollow not-quite-provocation for which the film offers a bogus explanation as to its presence in the play Hamlet 2, but no reasoning behind why it's important to the film Hamlet 2. "It doesn't matter if you're talented as long as you're enthusiastic!" Friend, watch Patch Adams and get back to me.

CJ7 (2008)

Rating ... B (66)

I am about to hook you up. Really and truly, an honest-to-God hook-up. Are you ready? Direct yourself to the nearest rental store / friend's collection / internet and procure Stephen Chow's three latest films - Shaolin Soccer, Kung Fu Hustle, and CJ7 for a rollicking good time and showcase for one of the most talented storytellers in the business.

... *elevator music* ...

Now that you've seen all three hopefully we harbor an identical viewpoint, sort of like looking through eyeglasses with one of those royally messed up / awesome jeweler's loupes attached. Technically there's nowhere to go but down after the incredible zenith of Kung Fu Hustle's jaw-dropping ending sequence but Chow plays damage control nicely, taking a breather from crafting probably the best scene ever to take aim at children's fairytale with CJ7, a dissection of parenthood and social responsibility disguised as an E.T. knockoff with poor folks. Chow makes clear his genuine interest in navigating class divisions rather than slumming it for exploitative purposes or simple turnabout a la Slumdog Millionaire in a single scene; taking a lyrical page from Zatoichi's book, the pounding of sledgehammers at a construction site syncs up with the beat of the music as a way of paying respects - an unspoken acknowledgement that artistic achievement and social wealth is made possible by the value created by all members of society regardless of economic designation. When the alien - dubbed CJ7 - finally arrives, the film walks a tightrope between a parent's role of entertaining and dispelling childhood fantasy; Chow refuses to accept delusion that would mask his characters' financial hardship but simultaneously understands that the blind optimism of hoping the classical values of his film (hard work, self-dignity) will pay off is itself a fantastical notion. CJ7's lack of kickass alien powers appropriately deflates children's unreasonably high expectations but his eventual sacrifice in service of Chow's character - who in turn has given everything he has to ensure his child won't remain uneducated like himself - is a testament to second chances and people's ability to better themselves. By the finale hundreds of the little guys storm the city, but rather than being overindulgence on Chow's part it's simply assurance that the tenets of his film aren't made exclusive to himself and his onscreen son/daughter. Say what you will about the film's odd melange of tones, but populism has never been so sincere.

-

In Soviet Russia, Jokes Never Get Old!

2009-11-01T12:47:00.000-08:00

Meet the Spartans (2008)

Rating ... F (9)

Since I already suffered through Date Movie and later endeavored to document everything about Epic Movie that made it as god-awful and as nearly unwatchable as Date Movie, I figure I'm not obligated to go to any great lengths to disparage Meet the Spartans in a full review, which as you've probably surmised is essentially the same film as the aforementioned, because let's face it: as radically divergent as epics, rom-coms, and shitty blue-screen testosterone wankfests should be, in the world of directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, it's easy for genres to blend together in the engulfing void of flatulence jokes and rehashing of pop culture au courants like Brad Pitt, Paris Hilton, and that emo wanker who defended Miss Spears in an annoying bout of down-the-highway-not-across-the-street sob-storying. (Somehow, "don't tase me bro!" failed to make the cut. Thank God?) This time around, what amazes me about the the franchise's unbelievable tackiness is not how the humor reeks of predictable fratboy-ism (by three movies, I'm almost completely desensitized) but rather how the movie cranks out its jokes with the rapidity nowadays associated with failed animated Shrek clones. Of course, Meet the Spartan's dizzying speed does little else besides elevate it out of the realm of Date Movie, which was essentially one unending, unfunny joke initiated by the most dismal, cinematic rape-equivalent credit sequences in recent memory. When jokes don't last as long, you accumulate more of them, naturally, but it's the lesser of two evils, and aside from an irrelevant, inflated Grand Theft Auto parody Meet the Spartans achieves (relative) painlessness. Which isn't to say the movie does something other than flat-out suck, unfortunately; in this case the arsenal of bodily fluid and Sylvester-Stallone-is-old, Paris-Hilton-is-ditsy jokes has merely been expanded to include dull, obvious commentary on 300, in this case limited to despite how last March's binge of Spartan cock-swinging could easily be construed as the crusade of a number of manly men to obliterate the gays (see Rue Paul as Xerxes, etc), in reality the whole shebang was unavoidably gay itself. So, in other words ... no shit? Thus we, the audience, have to pay for the privelige of witnessing directors Friedberg and Seltzer's wack-off session of their own? I'm hesistant to even label these guys directors; if I did that I might have to start referring to DJ "Ass 'n' Titties" Assault as a composer.

Wall * E (2008)

Rating ... B- (59)

[ Editor's Note: In anticipation of impending - and deserved - inquiries on why something as quaint as The Air I Breathe receives a review of reasonable length yet Wall*E is allotted just a blurb, I feel obligated to mention the extensiveness of a review is generally dependent on how much free time I have, which is a shame when you consider that... ]

Quite simply, Wall * E is just about the most dazzling spectacle a film-goer could hope to witness, given current technology. Classy and elegant even when held to Pixar's own lofty standards and reinvigorated with the studio's chuckle-inducing brand of visual verve (a feature in short supply during Cars, seemingly replaced with a sort of labored antiquatedness - a regretable setback for an otherwise solid movie), it comes as nothing short of a complete shock when cave-art credits roll and Wall * E still manages to feel like an overly pointed - if lavish - exercise in green-friendly politicking. But first, the good. Disregarding the fluently meticulous animation scarcely worth describing when compared to the experience of witnessing it oneself, we begin with Wall * E, a doe-eyed, robotic Omega Man left behind after humans trashed the place and split - their stay on the planet at this point reduced to a 12,000-year smash and grab. Designed to process heaps of trash into cubic modules, Wall * E puts the material to use constructing buildings as a Pueblo would with adobe bricks - the first of several scenes that accentuate the industrious, good-earth values of ancient cultures. The counterpoint to this observation develops as Wall * E finds himself bemused by trinkets he discovers while sifting through junk, the appeal of which mystifies him as it clashes with his objective-based programming. Before long a member of the next series of Earth surveillence bots - EVE, Extra-Terrestrial Vegetation Evaluator, to be precise - arrives and on account of the whole, uh, opposite robotic gender thing, Wall * E finds himself enamored, despite his potential mate's purely functional nature. Yet another aspect better left unspoiled for viewers, the wonderment of the subplot is nevertheless expressed in a single, magical shot, the lyrical sensibility of which compares to even the best in the Pixar armada. Shortly before leaving the planet, Wall * E must replace his injured eye-piece with an interchangeable part, and while adjusting the piece in its socket the POV switches to Wall * E's eye-cam while his gaze is fixed on EVE. The maiden robot appears unfocused, as an angelic blur - perhaps the blossoming of a potential relationship but undoubtedly the pinnacle of the film's take on human desire, passed down to Wall * E via a remnant, old Earth movie musical.

Unfortunately, director Andrew Stanton's transition from this euphoric carelessness into environmental (ir)responsibility and eco-friendly behavior as it relates to humans is only fractionally potent. The most obvious qualm is simply: why are humans even in this film? Both literally and figuratively a ham-fisted presence in the story (though admittedly the root of a couple big laughs), Stanton's take on the course of humanity is that their planar disregard has catapulted them into extreme lethargy, now simply an unambitious presence in gelatinous form, reduced to being zipped around on high-tech chairs and mindlessly diverted by television, advertising, and promises of luxuriousness and gratification. (Ummmmmm, robots you could say!) The jump Stanton posits here transcends being unreasonable and finds itself in rather sadistic territory, basically insinuating that given everything, humans would then proceed to do absolutely nothing, which is at best an unlikely scenario especially when considering the personal ambition of, for starters, how about everybody on the team at Pixar? (Maybe Idiocracy should be a prerequisite viewing - it might prepare viewers for the mindset!) While the resolution to Wall * E proves to be less insightful than the buildup as humans prosaically rediscover purpose and even the charming robot romance ends with what's essentially an elaborate fakeout, little could undo the first hour's exceptional understanding of human yearning. So it would seem Pixar was the first to make something fundamentally didactic still feel like poetry; who could've seen that coming?

Credit Where Credit is Due Dept: Any old-school gamers recognize the style of the opener? If not, you should!

Nim's Island (2008)

Rating ... C+ (44)

Truthfully, I'm disappointed. Given the pedigree, I went in expecting Blue Lagoon done - y'know - better and exited baffled at the resulting tug-of-war between half-formed ideas, the likes of which are shuffled about with the fervor of a kid with the shakes. "Be the hero of your own story!" sez the tagline (it's not quite Bruce Almighty but the thematic territory may as well be), simultaneously preaching to children and placating to adults on unexplored issues of empowerment. The notion arises twice during the film, first when islander Nim (Abigail Breslin) holds the fort from a band of money-grubbing oarsmen moonlighting as venture capitalists scheming to terraform the island into a tourist trap. (Bewilderingly, one of them drops a candy wrapper on the ground, aligning himself against Breslin and her paradise untouched by civilization ... well, untouched except for that high-speed internet connection she uses to e-mail Jodie Foster, oops.) When Nim goes Home Alone on their asses the subplot takes a hike, giving the character little to do except wallow in misery until her missing father arrives home on his own accord (yes, this directly contradicts her budding initiative), the story plows forward - undeterrred by this early climax - with Foster's agoraphobic adventure novelist (the two are linked because Nim reads her books and the two employ her fantasy world as a method to dodge reality) picking up the slack as she treks out to protect Nim from the invaders. Unfortunately the strand actually fails to interact with her original intent in the slightest and inexplicably serves to misappropriate how severe mental conditions can simply melt away.

Part of the problem is the film's broad appeal, which is comprised of numerous elements ranging from slapstick comedy to storybook fantasy to household drama. Nim's Island never truly takes the plunge into any of them, and its cold feet prove fatal because here, specializing in nothing produces tepidness in everything. (Arguably, tone is one of the most crucial elements to a kidpic because moods can be universally felt; regardless of whether it's your cup of tea, the all-or-nothing tones of some of the industry leaders - i.e. the playful jest of Sky High, the bouncy effeminacy of Aquamarine, and the plainness of Nancy Drew - implicitly acknowledge how sheltered its protagonists began the story, and such deviations from the norm again, without words, stress when things were reaching a breaking point.) What's really a shame here is that Flackett and Levin exhibit a talent for protagonist perspective (carried over from Little Manhattan), if not visual perspective (a plea for desperation ... cue aerial cam), but squander their expertise with inelegant dialogue that pointedly explains all things dramatic and thematic. In other words, why condescend audiences to be their own hero when you're just going to hold their hand along the way?

Jumper (2008)

Rating ... C- (28)

With good reason, nobody respects Jumper. Other notoriously frivolous films like Clueless earn their merit through gradual understanding and tradeoffs but Jumper, another fluff piece from Doug Liman (Mr. and Mrs. Smith, The Bourne Identity), wallows wantonly in unchecked self-gratification. In this limp superhero offering, we get the blindingly obvious - that with great power comes great fun - and soon thereafter, Jumper jumps into the position of the year's most forgettable film.

Hayden Christensen is a Jumper, meaning he can teleport anywhere he pleases, and after years of selfish application of the ability (as evidenced by his disregard for flood victims on the six o' clock) he encounters another Jumper who explains their existence is more austere than it looks. Religious fanatics called Paladins pursue Jumpers for no discernable reason besides generic fervor ("Only God deserves this power!" sez Samuel L., twice) and it is explained to Christensen that he shouldn't act so flippantly with his power, actions have conseqeunces, etc. Naturally this clashes with Christensen's "nothing's off-limits!" mentality, so the film endeavors to change his way of thinking. Thus, Christensen proceeds to jump to his old high-school flame's residence, whisk her to Rome, prevaricate about his existence, endanger her life, and implore her multiple times to "Stay right here!" while he and his friend clean up the pesky Paladins, generously showing restraint by not jumping them to the middle of a large body of water, but mostly just reiterating that teleportation is ridiculously awesome and now that Jumpers are no longer being persecuted it's once again possible to have everything you want as soon as you want it. It's Jumper, it's jumping to a theatre near you, and it's as self-indulgent as the powers it showcases.

Mad Money (2008)

Rating ... F (5)

Is Mad Money the most morally reprehensible film ever made? Perhaps not, but one has to give credit in the only place credit is due: it sure tries. In a nutshell, Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah and Katie Holmes rob the federal bank that employs them as janitors, spend lavishly, receive a wrist slap for their blatant thievery, and ultimately prove money is in fact awesome and any illicit method of absconding with some of this green gratification would certainly boost your standard of living. What this tidy summary omits, however, is the incredible laziness and contemptibility Mad Money assigns to its heroines' plight. Let's ignore that the entire premise is predicated off being able to switch locks on bank money carts (which conveniently happen to be such a common model you could buy a replacement at Home Depot) and stuff cash in the trash to smuggle out at the end of the shift. This leaves us with Mad Money's insufferable ethos, a sentiment that simply reads stealing is 100% justified if you're in need. Of course, Diane Keaton's definition of economic need is that her luxuriant lifestyle has placed herself and her husband $286,000 in debt, which once established exculpates her in advance for stealing the money needed to resolve her massive liabilities. (This action is defined to be socially responsible behavior, anything past this point could be construed - could be! - as greed, the movie says.) To further add to the film's absurd detestability, after this bourgeoisie spends her way into and steals her way out of the hole, all the while complaining about folks at her bank job don't bestow proper respect on the prolies (at the same time, her husband offers grossly offensive statements like "We could survive upper-middle class for a while!"), the feds finally arrive and the perpetrators come away from everything scot-free. "Crime is contagious," explains Diane Keaton, "when people catch it, they change!" To be honest, I have absolutely no clue how this glib observation relates to Mad Money, which by all objective standards is little more than a totem to Hollywood's consistently noxious ideas on glamour and glitz.

The Forbidden Kingdom (2008)

Rating ... C+ (50)

The Forbidden Kingdom should have been something special. Not only the industry's first pairing between Jackie Chan and Jet Li but also the year's only notable Wuxia film (unlike hordes of annual rom-coms, period dramas, and horror flicks, since Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon we seem to average about one of these per year, e.g. 2005 - Seven Swords, 2006 - Curse of the Golden Flower), it's probably unfair but also inevitable to burden The Forbidden Kingdom with such heavy expectations, especially considering what the film actually delivers is thoroughly watchable (code for "there are tons of action seqeunces") but dishearteningly average.

Comprised of input from two different countries, it's no surprise The Forbidden Kingdom feels diluted, even if there is a significant imbalance in the contribution. The narrative resembles Journey to the West, materially occurs in Tang Dynasty China, and features Chinese martial arts as well as cast members Jet Li, Jackie Chan, Yifei Liu, and others. The West's hand in the film, however, appears to be limited to post-production, along with Michael Anagarano's inessential role, which as a typical adolescent fanboy who bootlegs Bruce Lee movies and gets beaten up by bullies (only to reciprocate the punishment after learning kung-fu in his journey, because no bully in the history of film has ever made it out unscathed so why start now, begging the question did American writers really suffer this much persecution as kids?) really only serves as a bridge to reintroduce audiences to the genre. Dubious Hollywood conceits (Kingdom features yet another WM/AF pairing - I'll never figure out why Asian males are routinely left out of the loop) compete for heft with laudable ideas (Jet Li's Monkey King, an assured portrait of bored, restless immortality taunts people for self-amusement until the film reaffirms instruction / tutelage to be the most fulfilling use of the ability) while the film's hearty fight scenes only partially mitigate mediocre storytelling. That every character explains themselves and occasionally their history upon introduction may signal a lack of elegance, but in the case of The Forbidden Kingdom it's mostly just proof that reincarnating Wuxia is difficult when you have to remind audiences it exists in the first place.

21 (2008)

Rating ... D+ (19)

21 aims for cinematic hypnosis because those who aren't entranced by its slick cinematography and parlor-trick psychology will figure out pretty quickly that rehashing and dramatizing headlines is the best the film can muster. In fact, the same thin appeal could be likened to Blackjack, the eponymous form of gambling so absurdly simple it can actually fail at taking money from people if played properly. And if you're incredibly unaware, you might even miss that where the two coincide is that in the end, they both end up with your dough.

Kevin Spacey plays Mickey Rosa, a guy who teaches MIT whiz kids how to demolish the house at 21. During class, he arbitrarily (a big, big word in this case meaning LITERALLY FOR NO DISCERNABLE REASON) gives student and prospective casino-buster Ben the old game-show host problem to determine if he's got the mathematical prowess to tackle big-time Blackjacking. (In other words, we have an ivy league math professor who thinks the correct response to this trite riddle constitutes - in his own words - "genius.") Ben solves it, and just like that he's in, ready to study the highly effective habits of Blackjack-breaking individuals. All you have to do is bet the minimum and keep a mental count of the high and low cards that come down (minus one and plus one, respectively), giving your partner the sign to sit when the table is hot, or at a high value. Of course, you'll need a special method to silently divulge what the count is, so you'll probably use the system depicted in the movie where you let slip an offhand comment that numerically pertains to the count. For example, if the table's at +17 you could ramble about how you visited this place because you read about it in a magazine. (Seventeen is a magazine, see!) Now if the table was at +9, you would have to relate that to "cat," because cats have nine lives. (No doubt an ordinary query like "Are you a cat?") I mean, simple, right? If you believe that, you're probably more inclined to ignore the film's archetypal rise-and-fall trajectory where Ben, who originally only needs the money for Harvard med, spins out of control as he brings in the big bucks (which he accumulates despite doing dumbass-ish things like never wearing a disguise while all of his peers do, keeping his MIT student ID in his wallet beside his fake one, and stashing his winnings in the ceiling above his bed even though his friends walk in on him closing it up), which elicits interminable second-act voiceover narration ("I could be ANYONE I wanted!") that painstakingly literalizes the split between his meek MIT and macho Vegas gambler personas. Ben flies to Sin City every weekend, meaning he can never see his loser pals because he's gone for two whole days, and after he's confronted about it - as if on cue! - he begins to lose big because it fits with the movie's wishy-washy notions on greed. (At least Jumper was clear from square one...) Things eventually pan out for Ben, and the last scene serves merely to expose the film's hollow charm. "Did I dazzle you?" asks Ben of the finicky Robinson scholarship recruiter who's now heard his entire fable. I don't know, punk... Are you a cat?

Horton Hears a Who! (2008)

Rating ... B- (52)

After the twin debacles of The Cat in the Hat and How the Grinch Stole Christmas, there's nowhere to go but up, up, and away for the cinematic Dr. Seuss franchise. Horton Hears a Who! may be too fervent in its repeated advocacy of minority rights - "a person's a person, no matter how small!" - and too languid in its loftier attempts at waxing philosophical, but you can't really argue with better quality. Or rather, you can, but it's probably not a good idea.

Horton is an elephant whose gargantuan pair of ears have gotten him into a seemingly existential quandry. While galavanting in the forest Horton stumbles across Whoville, a tiny settlement that fits on the wisp of a dandelion. After a brief exchange between himself and the mayor, the two come away with similar aims: prove to their respective societies the reality of the other, since the Who's have trouble accepting the existence of something as otherworldly large as Horton while Horton's pals don't believe anything they can't "see, hear, or feel." It's easy to envision several figurative uses for the scenario but the film doesn't seem too keen on substantiating many of them. Understandably the central plight appeals on a theological basis but it's difficult to entertain Horton as spiritual debate when the deity figure is never in doubt. Likewise, the film appears concerned with differing perspective, the simplicity of which is wonderfully illustrated during a scene where Steve Carell condescends to his son's notions of having a future doing something other than following in his dad's footsteps. As Carell glances at his son through several stacked glasses of water - he's ferrying it to his 96 kids, all of whom are thirsty - he sees the boy beaming back at him, though when he whisks away the water the film reveals his kid's countenance is actually a quizzical grimace. But while Horton admonishes ideological imperialism in its early sections (the other jungle critters try to placate Horton into admitting the Who's don't really exist) the film later champions a unified outlook anyway as the citizens of Whoville manage to affirm their being to the larger world, reducing Horton from a testament to how competing ideals can coexist in productive capacity to the sum of its dubious what-ifs, e.g. "what if our world was in fact very tiny?" (So? Moreover, it already is?) As audiences are likely aware, concordance is a cinch if everyone upholds the same perspective, but if in fact that was Horton's goal in the first place, the film's only real success in that department comes with its single, zany, anime interlude. With regard to its purpose, no doubt all will be mystified.

Transporter 3 (2008)

Rating ... C (43)

Sequels may generate beaucoup de cash, but more often than not they just demonstrate how a series can fall a really long way in a really short time. The original Transporter inaugurated the franchise by knocking Jason Statham's refined ass-kicker down from his perch of socioeconomic superiority with a handful of well-placed explosives and a rocket launcher to his beach-front villa, necessitating the return to a moral stance that held values above rules. The second installment toed a similar line, prizing social affluence to the extent many would place on the financial boon displayed in the film, which saw Statham safeguard the privilege of a wealthy couple's child from hilariously lurid baddies and over-the-top, virtuoso combat. By contrast, the thematically bankrupt Transporter 3 offers no continuation of such societal issues, and with little at stake figuratively comes across as merely there - not quite the defining feature usually desired by an action flick.

Based on recent exploits, it seems to me that The Transporter could stand to learn a thing or two from its bald-headed kindred spirit Bruce Willis and his Die Hard quadrilogy. In the presence of a sequel most action series generally feel the need to up the ante to retain viewer attention, meaning that each new exploit tends to culminate in even more ludicrous, improbable carnage. 2007's Live Free or Die Hard in turn one-upped that conceit by selling out its effete hero, re-marketing Willis from the original Die Hard's every-man into a subversive take on the inflexibility of American foreign policy. The fact Willis fought against internet-hacking folks by destroying everything he came across, often in some spectacularly absurd method of vehicular chaos was not just baffling or outlandish but perhaps the ideal scenario to depict its subject's mounting desuetude.

Transporter 3, on the other hand, envisions things in simpler terms. Though both heroes are insurmountable when taking into account movie logic, the fact Statham's transporter is polished and au courant in every way Willis was battered and obsolete adds a snide facet to his inevitable victory, especially in the absence of overriding subtext. The film's action sequences lack punch; while Statham periodically acquires interesting new props for minor scuffles, the film's more extravagant car chase set-pieces employ borrowed tactics - namely, balancing a car on two wheels and breathing from tires while submerged. The antagonist figure's agenda is an arresting schism between pacifism and brutality but Transporter fails to elaborate this conflict or his relation to Statham's slick efficiency, opting instead to douse the proceedings with a ho-hum environment-over-business ethos. Faults considered, Transporter 3 may not be the weakest Statham vehicle but it's likely the tamest.

-

Bat Card ... Never Leave the Cave Without It!

2009-11-01T12:26:00.000-08:00

The Dark Knight (2008)

Rating ... B+ (75)

(Ho-hum, spoilers. What did you expect, really.)

Batman has always been a fickle commodity. Though primarily a comic book figure, Tim Burton's 1989 reimagining introduced the superhero to a broader audience with acceptable results, both fiscal and artistic. His Batman Returns signified the creative pinnacle for Batman's first outing (assuming the exclusion of his initial animated adventures circa 1992) while the subsequent flicks collapsed under the pressure of crowd-pleasing and reliance on franchise familiarity, culminating in the universal contempt of Batman and Robin, Joel Schumacher's techno-fetish light show (and unintentional laugh-riot), which banished the hero back to the realm of television.

But there was never anything really wrong with Batman himself. Even if his most recent cinematic exploits strayed into self-parody and Hollywood blockbuster-ism, they didn't invalidate his unique position in crimefighting mythos - that this was a superhero who reciprocated violations of human law with commensurate brutality in some misguided attempt at reconciling past emotional scars. Maybe audiences just needed to relearn the concept, and after knocking the ball out of the park with 2001's Memento, director Christopher Nolan came on board for Batman Begins, a harrowing reboot of the franchise that skillfully monitored Batman's heroic upbringing from the turmoil of his childhood to the climactic soothing of his rage. Though clearly the opener for a franchise revitalization, Batman Begins was a stand-alone tale in its own right, a remarkable glimpse of passion sublimated to the call of duty.

So where do we go from here? Given the political ramifications of the equally commendable The Dark Knight, the Batman series seems to have the same question on its mind. If Gotham city is even in part emblematic of current events, there's trouble afoot. From the depths of insecurity and inadequacy comes the Joker, a menacing criminal force with no singular motive and no point of origin, save a perpetually shifting anecdote on how he acquired his signature scars, which reveals itself to be a spectacular account of the varying reasons crimes are committed and the impossibility of assigning an all-encompassing aperture to the face of crime. Determined to level the playing field by undermining Gotham's embodiments of confidence and stability, Joker is prepared to bring chaos to the masses with nihilistic glee.

Last I checked however, nihilism and pop cinema are mutually exclusive ends. Most H-wood escapades seem to have gotten it into their heads you can't make a movie with doom and gloom as your primary ingredients and simultaneously retain audience goodwill, hence the overabundance of films with crackerjack endings where protags receive nearly everything they desired while sacrificing very little to acheive such ends. But any idiot will tell you The Dark Knight doesn't stoop to bubblegum plotting, so what's the catch? How did Nolan get away with these paradoxical politics?

Maybe the answer's obvious. If there's one thing both parties can't live without it's exceptional plotting. Hollywood continuity editing is a process born of and dedicated solely to narrative clarity while Nolan's aforementioned Memento relied most of all on its unique storytelling to convey the extent people are willing to succumb to self-delusion to recover from tragedy. Haters certainly have a point when they label Nolan's relentless nihilism as noveau-trendy and carefully crafted button-pushing for the male, generation Y crowd, and that would explain one possible way to turn The Dark Knight into a palatable product. Even though some long-winded scenes like those where Joker undertakes lengthy speeches around burning piles of money may support the notion, Christopher Nolan is still in charge, and narrative is the key to solving the conundrum. I consider the second half prisoner's dilemma to import Nolan's sentiments on the matter. In the Joker's most devilish scheme, he hijacks and wires explosives to a couple boats and offers them each two options: either choose to destroy the other ship, or do nothing for the duration, after which he will blow up both boats. Though the scene initially reeks of easily transposed psychology, perspective is crucial. In either outcome Joker succeeds in subverting society's symbols of hope and benevolence unless Batman - a fervent believer in folks' ability to do the right thing - can put a stop to him. That neither boat chooses to condemn the other is at the same time admirable and illogical; nevertheless, the situation clearly illustrates it is not Nolan's intentions to whitewash over morality when in the thematic result to this dilemma he applauds that people embrace blind optimism when confronted with irrevocable quandry.

But if the scenario is actually immutable, how does everyone escape unscathed? The answer lies in Batman, Harvey Dent, and the individual. Echoing the central tenet from his own The Prestige, that extraordinary personal sacrifice is required to sustain wonder in a time of rapid technological advance, Nolan once again examines society's demands of the individual. When the Joker wins the battle for the allegiance of the crusading Harvey Dent, his corruption represents the demise of selfless righteousness, and the reveal is that the disposition of a figurehead actually is sufficient to corrode sanguinity on a national scale because its citizens have confused the ideal of hope with its idol. Because a return to equilibrium is necessitated, Batman's singular presence enables him to salvage the Gotham's morale at the cost of his own being - the disturbing price of heroic triumph.

The problem is, it's really a tad myopic to deem The Dark Knight the greatest movie ever. The plotting checks out, wonderfully; after all, it's Christopher Nolan's strong suit. It's the elegance that's missing. There's nothing wrong with earnestness, but the workmanlike quality of The Dark Knight is frequently laborious. Scenes like that where Wayne crashes his Lamborghini as a tit-for-tat gesture to a potential whistleblower ably accomplish characterization and drama with implicitness and grace. On other occasions it requires entire speeches and copious voiceover. Formally, The Dark Knight probably brings more to the table than my current superhero favorite, X2: X-Men United, but scenes as awesomely, quietly evocative as Wolverine's confrontation with Stryker in the halls of Xavier's academy, where the freezey dude deposits a wall between them - a block of protective ice and figurative barrier to a lifetime of memories unwillingly abdicated to the folds of time - while prevalent in that film are curiously in short supply here. Perhaps in that regard, The Dark Knight really is pop perfection, but more often than not it's all at the cost of lyricism.

Life Lessens

2009-11-01T12:14:00.000-08:00

The Air I Breathe (2008)

Rating ... F (2)

"I've always wondered, when a butterfly leaves the safety of its cocoon, does it realize how beautiful it has become? Or does it still just see itself as a caterpillar?" Coincidentally, I have pondered a similar conceit - namely, just how long will this hipster house of cards posing as filmmaking hold up, supported solely by its flimsy foundation of showy contrivance, juvenile histrionics (politely referred to as drama), and hand-holding platitudes? If the film's predecessors, Crash and Babel, have taught us any two things, it's that no matter how meaningless or tenuous the link, Everything is Connected, and also that dilettantes flock to this treacle like ravers to epic trance, so film-goers are probably in for the long haul.

So what exactly should we expect from The Air I Breathe? Clumsy, message-mongering voiceover a la Hammer-time Haggis's Crash? The deejay-worthy AV wankery from Inarritu's Babel? How about the insulting, bafflingly unnoticed racism from both? Better yet, we'll try most of the above, and more, not limited to phony attempts at gravitas by basing the narrative on a Chinese proverb's emotitive tenets - Happiness, Pleasure, Sorrow, and Love - even going so far as to have the four protagonists adopt the intangible states as nomenclature. (It's because these feelings are that with which particular characters grapple, geddit?) Anything goes, as long as it aids in misdirecting audiences away from the material's conspicuously diaphonous quality, including lines like this: "Sometimes the things we can't change ... end up changing us!" Would somebody please add Soviet Russia to the film's list of shooting locations?

Four tales arbitrarily overlap in The Air I Breathe, and it's probably best and certainly easiest that I spoil one of them to provide a complete picture of what occurs during this monstrosity. In the first vignette, Forest Whitaker plays a meek lil guy by the name of Happiness (I wasn't lying!) who spends lengthy passages of time in front of his TV set - a metaphor for his emptiness, no kidding - ruminating on his unfulfillment. (The term rumination is a polite way of saying angst.) He talks in a quiet voice, frequently cuts himself off and repeats himself, because this is in fact how mild-mannered individuals with little self-confidence act. One day - to make an irriating story shorter - he robs a bank, exits out the front, jacks a delivery boy's moto, makes four left turns to end up where he began, evades the police by escaping to the, uh, roof, and proceeds to get gunned down, the exhiliration of which, uh, imbues his life with new meaning. Providing him happiness you could say! Needless to say, a trite 360 shot not only captures Whitaker's sudden redemption but also serves as the perfect example of the film's futility - a fruitless struggle to stretch fortune-cookie wisdom and hackneyed storytelling over material entirely devoid of understanding, insight, and actual development. And the best part? You can multiply that by four.

Film Log 2008

2009-11-01T11:38:00.000-08:00

869. (31 Dec) The Transporter (2002, Corey Yuen) ... B (68)
868. (31 Dec) Bubba Ho-Tep (2002, Dan Coscarelli) ... C- (28)
tv12. (30 Dec) "Unfabulous" (2004) ... B- (54)
867. (30 Dec) Bend It Like Beckham (2002, Gurinder Chadha) ... C (40)
866. (30 Dec) About a Boy (2002, Weitz / Weitz) ... C (41)
865. (29 Dec) Big Fat Liar (2002, Shawn Levy) ... D+ (25)
864. (29 Dec) Barbershop (2002, Tim Story) ... C+ (44)
863. (28 Dec) Blood Work (2002, Clint Eastwood) ... C (38)
862. (28 Dec) Changing Lanes (2002, Roger Michell) ... D+ (21)
861. (27 Dec) Word Wars (2004, Chaikin / Petrillo) ... B- (52)
860. (27 Dec) The Wind That Shakes the Barley (2007, Ken Loach) ... B- (53)
859. (26 Dec) Angel's Egg (1985, Mamoru Oshii) ... B (62)
858. (26 Dec) Dive Bomber (1941, Michael Curtiz) ... C+ (45)
vg12. (25 Dec) Guilty Gear X2 (2002) ... A (91)
857. (25 Dec) Adrenaline Drive (2000, Shinobu Yaguchi) ... B- (59)
856. (24 Dec) Day of the Dead (1985, George A. Romero) ... B- (58)
855. (24 Dec) Murder by Death (1976, Robert Moore) ... C+ (46)
854. (23 Dec) Any Given Sunday (1999, Oliver Stone) ... C- (34)
853. (23 Dec) Theremin: An Electronic Music Odyssey (1994, Steven Martin) ... C (39)
852. (22 Dec) Persepolis (2007, Paronnaud / Satrapi) ... C+ (45)
851. (22 Dec) 21 (2008, Robert Luketic) ... D+ (25)
850. (22 Dec) Shadow of a Doubt (1943, Alfred Hitchcock) ... B (64)
vg11. (21 Dec) Sword of Sodan (1990) ... F (2)
849. (21 Dec) Diary of the Dead (2008, George A. Romero) ... D (17)
848. (20 Dec) Last Action Hero (1993, John McTiernan) ... B- (52)
847. (20 Dec) My Darling Clementine (1946, John Ford) ... B (65)
vg10. (19 Dec) Last Action Hero (1993) ... F (5)
846. (19 Dec) Ginger Snaps (2001, John Fawcett) ... C+ (44)
845. (18 Dec) Death Race (2008, Paul W.S. Anderson) ... C- (32)
844. (18 Dec) The Cat People (1942, Jacques Tourneur) ... B- (57)
843. (17 Dec) The Philadelphia Story (1940, George Cukor) ... B (64)
842. (17 Dec) Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story (2007, Jake Kasdan) ... C+ (45)
vg09. (16 Dec) Shaq Fu (1994) ... F (3) ("I'm gonna do some serious damage to your body!")
841. (16 Dec) Eagle Eye (2008, D.J. Caruso) ... D+ (27)
840. (16 Dec) Boomerang (1947, Elia Kazan) ... C (36)
vg08. (15 Dec) Harvest Moon (1996) ... B (64)
839. (15 Dec) Sex and the City (2008, Michael Patrick King) ... C+ (48)
tv11. (14 Dec) "Danny Phantom" (2005) ... B (66)
838. (14 Dec) The Miracle Woman (1931, Frank Capra) ... B- (52)
837. (13 Dec) In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2008, Uwe Boll) ... C (42)
836. (13 Dec) Vantage Point (2008, Pete Travis) ... C- (34)
835. (12 Dec) Golden Earrings (1947, Mitchell Leisen) ... C (41)
834. (11 Dec) Wanted (2008, Timur Bekmambetov) ... C- (35)
833. (11 Dec) In This Our Life (1942, John Huston) ... C+ (46)
832. (10 Dec) Kit Kittredge: An American Girl (2008, Patricia Rozema) ... B (61)
831. (10 Dec) Muriel's Wedding (1994, P.J. Hogan) ... D (16)
830. (10 Dec) Searching for Bobby Fischer (1993, Steven Zaillian) ... C+ (50)
829. (09 Dec) The Bride with White Hair (1993, Ronny Yu) ... C (43)
828. (09 Dec) Ah! My Goddess: The Movie (2000, Hiroaki Goda) ... C+ (49)
tv10. (08 Dec) Ah! My Goddess (OVA) (1993) ... B- (56)
827. (08 Dec) Kung Fu Panda (2008, Osborne / Stevenson) ... B- (59)
826. (07 Dec) Doomsday (2008, Neil Marshall) ... D+ (26)
825. (07 Dec) The Way We Were (1973, Sydney Pollack) ... C+ (48)
824. (06 Dec) Spider (2002, David Cronenberg) ... C- (34)
823. (06 Dec) The Ruins (2008, Carter Smith) ... C (40)
822. (05 Dec) Kekexili: Mountain Patrol (2006, Chuan Lu) ... A- (80)
821. (05 Dec) Street Kings (2008, David Ayer) ... C+ (47)
820. (04 Dec) The Forbidden Kingdom (2008, Rob Minkoff) ... C+ (50)
819. (04 Dec) Murder Party (2007, Jeremy Saulnier) ... D+ (27)
tv09. (03 Dec) The People's Court (1997) ... F (4)
818. (03 Dec) 24 Hour Party People (2002, Michael Winterbottom) ... B- (56)
817. (02 Dec) Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008, Nicholas Stoller) ... C+ (50)
816. (02 Dec) A Royal Scandal (1945, Lubitsch / Preminger) ... B (67)
815. (01 Dec) Night on the Galactic Railroad (1985, Gisaburo Sujii) ... C (41)
814. (01 Dec) Blue Collar (1978, Paul Schrader) ... C+ (51)
813. (30 Nov) 10,000 B.C. (2008, Roland Emmerich) ... D+ (23)
812. (30 Nov) Marnie (1964, Alfred Hitchcock) ... C+ (45)
811. (29 Nov) All the Real Girls (2003, David Gordon Green) ... C (43)
810. (29 Nov) Hands Across the Table (1935, Mitchell Leisen) ... B- (57)
809. (28 Nov) The Hottie and the Nottie (2008, Tom Putnam) ... D (16)
808. (28 Nov) Hancock (2008, Peter Berg) ... D (14)
807. (27 Nov) Prom Night (2008, Nelson McCormick) ... F (5)
806. (27 Nov) The Deer Hunter (1978, Michael Cimino) ... C- (35)
805. (26 Nov) Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (2008, Sanaa Hamri) ... B (58)
804. (26 Nov) Pretty Baby (1978, Louis Malle) ... C (39)
803. (25 Nov) My Beautiful Girl Mari (2002, Seong-Kang Lee) ... C+ (48)
802. (25 Nov) The Cat in the Hat (2003, Bo Welch) ... D (16)
801. (24 Nov) The Spy Who Came in from the Cold (1965, Martin Ritt) ... B- (58)
800. (24 Nov) Freaky Friday (2003, Mark Waters) ... C+ (50)
799. (23 Nov) Down with Love (2003, Peyton Reed) ... B (67)
798. (23 Nov) Cheaper by the Dozen (2003, Shawn Levy) ... D+ (19)
797. (22 Nov) Baby Doll (1956, Elia Kazan) ... C+ (45)
796. (22 Nov) Saturday Night Fever (1977, John Badham) ... C (43)
tv08. (21 Nov) "The Fairly OddParents" (2001) ... A- (84)
795. (21 Nov) The Entity (1981, Sidney J. Furie) ... D (18)
794. (20 Nov) Cool World (1992, Ralph Bakshi) ... D+ (19)
793. (20 Nov) Lupin III: The Pursuit of Harimao's Treasure (1995, Masato Sato) ... C (42)
792. (19 Nov) Billy Elliot (2000, Stephen Daldry) ... D+ (27)
791. (19 Nov) Two Weeks Notice (2002, Marc Lawrence) ... D+ (26)
790. (18 Nov) Pom Poko (1994, Isao Takahata) ... B (63)
789. (18 Nov) A Mighty Heart (2007, Michael Winterbottom) ... C- (32)
788. (18 Nov) The Big Heat (1953, Fritz Lang) ... B- (53)
787. (17 Nov) Out of the Past (1947, Jacques Tourneur) ... B+ (75)
786. (17 Nov) Five Graves to Cairo (1943, Billy Wilder) ... B- (56)
785. (16 Nov) Gothic (1986, Ken Russell) ... C- (28)
784. (15 Nov) Black Angel (1946, Roy William Neill) ... C+ (48)
783. (14 Nov) In the Mouth of Madness (1995, John Carpenter) ... C (37)
782. (14 Nov) The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976, Clint Eastwood) ... C+ (50)
781. (13 Nov) Flight from Ashiya (1964, Michael Anderson) ... D (16)
780. (13 Nov) I Walked with a Zombie (1943, Jacques Tourneur) ... C+ (44)
779. (12 Nov) Waterloo Bridge (1940, Mervyn LeRoy) ... C+ (51)
778. (12 Nov) Ghost in the Shell: Solid State Society (2007, Kenji Kamiyama) ... B (62)
777. (11 Nov) Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence (2004, Mamoru Oshii) ... A- (80)
776. (11 Nov) Ghost in the Shell (1995, Mamoru Oshii) ... A- (82)
775. (11 Nov) Family Plot (1976, Alfred Hitchcock) ... C+ (49)
vg07. (10 Nov) Dynasty Warriors 6 (2007) ... C+ (47)
774. (10 Nov) The Brave Little Toaster (1987, Jerry Rees) ... C (40)
tv07. (09 Nov) "Mythbusters" (2003) ... B+ (70)
773. (09 Nov) Deathdream (1974, Bob Clark) ... C (40)
772. (08 Nov) East of Eden (1955, Elia Kazan) ... B- (52)
771. (08 Nov) The Brood (1979, David Cronenberg) ... D+ (26)
770. (07 Nov) The Changeling (1980, Peter Medak) ... C+ (50)
769. (07 Nov) Black Robe (1991, Bruce Beresford) ... B- (53)
768. (06 Nov) Elephant (2003, Gus Van Sant) ... C- (33)
767. (06 Nov) Ninotchka (1939, Ernst Lubitsch) ... B (66)
766. (05 Nov) Magic (1978, Richard Attenborough) ... B (67)
765. (05 Nov) Bride of Frankenstein (1935, James Whale) ... B- (52)
764. (05 Nov) Cronos (1993, Guillermo del Toro) ... C+ (44)
763. (04 Nov) A League of Their Own (1992, Penny Marshall) ... C+ (45)
762. (04 Nov) Ulzana's Raid (1972, Robert Aldrich) ... B- (54)
761. (03 Nov) Satan's Little Helper (2004, Jeff Lieberman) ... F (2)
760. (03 Nov) Walkabout (1971, Nicolas Roeg) ... C+ (49)
759. (02 Nov) Big (1988, Penny Marshall) ... B- (53)
758. (02 Nov) The Hills Have Eyes (1977, Wes Craven) ... C (38)
757. (02 Nov) Awakenings (1990, Penny Marshall) ... F (4)
756. (01 Nov) Whisper of the Heart (1995, Yoshifumi Kondo) ... B+ (75)
755. (01 Nov) Children Shouldn't Play With Dead Things (1972, Bob Clark) ... C+ (44)
754. (01 Nov) The Town That Dreaded Sundown (1976, Charles B. Pierce) ... F (6)
753. (31 Oct) Dirty Mary Crazy Larry (1974, John Hough) ... C (43)
752. (31 Oct) The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004, Stephen Hillenburg) ... B- (56)
751. (31 Oct) The Weight of Water (2002, Kathryn Bigelow) ... C- (30)
750. (30 Oct) Point Break (1991, Kathryn Bigelow) ... C+ (47)
749. (30 Oct) The Parallax View (1974, Alan J. Pakula) ... B (59)
748. (29 Oct) American Psycho (2000, Mary Harron) ... C (41)
747. (29 Oct) My Bloody Valentine (1981, George Mihalka) ... D+ (22)
746. (29 Oct) Cool Runnings (1993, Jon Turteltaub) ... C- (28)
745. (28 Oct) Blue Steel (1990, Kathryn Bigelow) ... D (14)
744. (28 Oct) Charley Varrick (1973, Don Siegel) ... B (62)
743. (27 Oct) Strange Days (1995, Kathryn Bigelow) ... C (42)
742. (27 Oct) The Last House on the Left (1972, Wes Craven) ... C- (30)
741. (26 Oct) King of the Zombies (1941, Jean Yarbrough) ... F (6)
740. (26 Oct) The Cat Returns (2003, Hiroyuki Morita) ... B+ (67)
739. (26 Oct) Waterworld (1995, Kevin Reynolds) ... C- (34)
738. (26 Oct) Never a Dull Moment (1968, Jerry Paris) ... B- (54)
737. (26 Oct) Boys Don't Cry (1999, Kimberly Peirce) ... D (15)
736. (25 Oct) Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995, Steve Oedekerk) ... D+ (21)
735. (25 Oct) Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994, Tom Shadyac) ... C- (31)
734. (24 Oct) Mother's Day (1980, Charles Kaufman) ... C- (28)
733. (24 Oct) Ghost in the Machine (1993, Rachel Talalay) ... F (5)
732. (24 Oct) Near Dark (1987, Kathryn Bigelow) ... B- (60)
731. (24 Oct) The Deep End of the Ocean (1999, Ulu Grosbard) ... F (5)
730. (23 Oct) The Bad News Bears (1976, Michael Ritchie) ... B- (56)
729. (23 Oct) Sleepless in Seattle (1993, Nora Ephron) ... D+ (18)
728. (23 Oct) The Beyond (1981, Lucio Fulci) ... D+ (24)
727. (23 Oct) What Women Want (2000, Nancy Meyer) ... C+ (48)
726. (22 Oct) Don't Look Now (1973, Nicolas Roeg) ... C (39)
725. (22 Oct) Dirty Work (1998, Bob Saget) ... C- (32)
s20. (22 Oct) Wrong Again [s] (1929, Leo McCarey) ... D+ (25)
724. (22 Oct) Johnny Dangerously (1984, Amy Heckerling) ... C+ (45)
723. (21 Oct) The Craft (1996, Andrew Fleming) ... C (40)
722. (21 Oct) Black Knight (2001, Gil Junger) ... D (10)
721. (21 Oct) One Missed Call (2008, Eric Valette) ... D (15)
720. (20 Oct) Soul Plane (2004, Jessy Terrero) ... D+ (23)
719. (20 Oct) Deep Impact (1998, Mimi Leder) ... F (4)
718. (20 Oct) Cabaret (1972, Bob Fosse) ... C+ (51)
717. (19 Oct) Pootie Tang (2001, Louis C.K.) ... D (11)
716. (19 Oct) Beyond Re-Animator (2003, Brian Yuzna) ... D+ (20)
715. (18 Oct) Bride of Re-Animator (1990, Brian Yuzna) ... B- (54)
714. (18 Oct) Re-Animator (1985, Stuart Gordon) ... B (62)
713. (17 Oct) Black Sunday (1977, John Frankenheimer) ... B- (59)
712. (17 Oct) Palindromes (2005, Todd Solondz) ... F (2)
711. (16 Oct) The Bellboy (1960, Jerry Lewis) ... D+ (26)
710. (16 Oct) Mad Money (2008, Callie Khouri) ... F (5)
709. (15 Oct) The Million Dollar Duck (1971, Vincent McEveety) ... D (16)
708. (15 Oct) Untraceable (2008, Gregory Hoblit) ... D+ (27)
707. (14 Oct) American Graffiti (1973, George Lucas) ... C+ (46)
706. (14 Oct) Gunfight at the O.K. Corral (1957, Preston Sturges) ... B- (55)
705. (13 Oct) Jumper (2008, Doug Liman) ... C- (28)
704. (13 Oct) Undisputed (2002, Walter Hill) ... C+ (50)
703. (13 Oct) Dolls (1987, Stuart Gordon) ... C (42)
702. (12 Oct) The Five Pennies (1959, Melville Shavelson) ... C (43)
701. (12 Oct) Tremors (1990, Ron Underwood) ... B- (53)
700. (11 Oct) Army of Darkness (1992, Sam Raimi) ... C (43)
699. (11 Oct) Evil Dead 2 (1987, Sam Raimi) ... B- (56)
698. (11 Oct) Evil Dead (1981, Sam Raimi) ... C (40)
697. (10 Oct) High Fidelity (2000, Stephen Frears) ... B- (58)
696. (10 Oct) Enthusiasm (1931, Dziga Vertov) ... D+ (22)
695. (10 Oct) Iris (2001, Richard Eyre) ... C- (32)
694. (09 Oct) Silent Running (1972, Douglas Trumbull) ... D+ (19)
693. (09 Oct) Tuck Everlasting (2002, Jay Russell) ... C+ (46)
692. (09 Oct) L.I.E. (2001, Michael Cuesta) ... F (3)
691. (08 Oct) Naked (1993, Mike Leigh) ... B (61)
690. (08 Oct) The Towering Inferno (1974, Allen / Guillerman) ... C (38)
689. (07 Oct) Iron Man (2008, Jon Favreau) ... C+ (51)
688. (07 Oct) April Fool's Day (1986, Fred Walton) ... C+ (51)
687. (07 Oct) Dan in Real Life (2007, Peter Hedges) ... B- (53)
686. (06 Oct) Aquamarine (2006, Elizabeth Allen) ... A (93)
685. (06 Oct) Saawariya (2007, Sanjay Leela Bhansali) ... C+ (46)
684. (05 Oct) Gangs of New York (2002, Martin Scorsese) ... B- (60)
683. (05 Oct) Bully (2001, Larry Clark) ... F (3)
682. (05 Oct) The Signal (2007, Bruckner / Bush / Gentry) ... D (14)
681. (04 Oct) Westworld (1973, Michael Crichton) ... C (38)
680. (04 Oct) Kiss Me Kate (1953, George Sidney) ... C (41)
679. (03 Oct) A Knight's Tale (2001, Brian Helgeland) ... C- (29)
678. (03 Oct) A Night at the Opera (1935, Sam Wood) ... B- (57)
677. (03 Oct) Videodrome (1983, David Cronenberg) ... C+ (45)
676. (02 Oct) Weird Science (1985, John Hughes) ... D (16)
675. (02 Oct) Crimson Tide (1995, Tony Scott) ... B- (55)
674. (01 Oct) The Dead Zone (1983, David Cronenberg) ... C+ (50)
673. (01 Oct) Sixteen Candles (1984, John Hughes) ... C- (30)
672. (01 Oct) A Troll in Central Park (1994, Bluth / Goldman) ... D (18)
671. (01 Oct) Howard the Duck (1986, Willard Huyck) ... F (5)
670. (30 Sep) A Boy and His Dog (1975, L.Q. Jones) ... B- (54)
669. (30 Sep) Happiness (1998, Todd Solondz) ... F (3)
668. (29 Sep) Easy Rider (1969, Dennis Hopper) ... C+ (46)
667. (29 Sep) The Bank Dick (1940, Edward F. Cline) ... B- (58)
666. (28 Sep) Compulsion (1959, Richard Fleischer) ... B (61)
665. (28 Sep) The Fly (1986, David Cronenberg) ... B- (60)
664. (28 Sep) Dark Passage (1947, Delmer Daves) ... B- (53)
663. (27 Sep) The Adventures of Prince Achmed (1925, Lotte Reiniger) ... C+ (46)
662. (27 Sep) How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying (1967, David Swift) ... B+ (79)
661. (26 Sep) The Reluctant Dragon (1941, Luske / Werker) ... C (37)
660. (26 Sep) Little Shop of Horrors (1986, Frank Oz) ... C+ (50)
659. (25 Sep) Altered States (1980, Ken Russell) ... C- (32)
658. (25 Sep) The Trip (1967, Roger Corman) ... B- (54)
657. (24 Sep) Caught (1949, Max Ophuls) ... B- (58)
656. (24 Sep) Live Freaky Die Freaky (2006, John Roecker) ... F (2)
655. (23 Sep) Billion Dollar Brain (1967, Ken Russell) ... C (43)
654. (23 Sep) Dragon Hunters (2008, Ivernel / Qwak) ... D+ (20)
653. (23 Sep) Brute Force (1947, Jules Dassin) ... B- (57)
652. (22 Sep) Hot Lead and Cold Feet (1978, Robert Butler) ... C+ (44)
651. (22 Sep) The Taking of Pelham One Two Three (1974, Joseph Sargent) ... B- (58)
650. (22 Sep) The List (2007, Gary Wheeler) ... F (4)
649. (21 Sep) Victory Through Air Power (1943, Pearce et al) ... C+ (49)
648. (21 Sep) Firecreek (1968, Vincent McEveety) ... C+ (45)
647. (20 Sep) Rocky (1976, John Avildsen) ... C+ (48)
646. (20 Sep) Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (2000, Peter Segal) ... F (2)
645. (20 Sep) The Nutty Professor (1996, Tom Shadyac) ... D (13)
644. (19 Sep) The Green Slime (1968, Kinji Fukasaku) ... F (6)
643. (19 Sep) Dragonheart (1996, Rob Cohen) ... C- (28)
642. (19 Sep) Harper (1966, Jack Smight) ... C+ (50)
641. (18 Sep) The Atomic Submarine (1959, Spencer Gordon Bennet) ... C+ (48)
640. (18 Sep) Dick Tracy (1990, Warren Beatty) ... B (62)
639. (17 Sep) They Live by Night (1948, Nicholas Ray) ... B- (56)
638. (17 Sep) When Worlds Collide (1951, Rudolph Maté) ... D+ (26)
637. (16 Sep) Nim's Island (2008, Flackett / Levin) ... C+ (44)
636. (16 Sep) In Bruges (2008, Martin McDonagh) ... C (43)
635. (15 Sep) eXistenZ (1999, David Cronenberg) ... C- (28)
634. (15 Sep) Mom and Dad Save the World (1992, Greg Beeman) ... F (4)
vg06. (14 Sep) Ehrgeiz (1998) ... F (5)
633. (14 Sep) Phantom from Space (1953, W. Lee Wilder) ... D+ (20)
632. (13 Sep) Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House (1948, H.C. Potter) ... C (37)
631. (13 Sep) Ishtar (1987, Elaine May) ... D (14)
630. (12 Sep) Torn Curtain (1966, Alfred Hitchcock) ... C+ (46)
tv06. (12 Sep) "Hole in the Wall" (2008) ... D (12)
629. (12 Sep) How the West Was Won (1962, Ford / Hathaway / Marshall) ... B- (55)
628. (11 Sep) Dragonslayer (1981, Matthew Robbins) ... C+ (45)
627. (11 Sep) Broken Arrow (1996, John Woo) ... C- (33)
626. (10 Sep) Copper Mountain (1983, David Mitchell) ... F (3)
625. (10 Sep) Conan the Barbarian (1982, John Milius) ... C (41) ("Tree of Woe" ... Woah, he's Jesus!)
624. (09 Sep) The Boondock Saints (2000, Troy Duffy) ... D+ (23)
623. (09 Sep) They Shoot Horses, Don't They? (1969, Sydney Pollack) ... C (43)
622. (08 Sep) Star Trek V: The Final Frontier (1989, William Shatner) ... C+ (49)
621. (08 Sep) Judge (1991, Hiroshi Negishi) ... D+ (21)
620. (07 Sep) Diner (1982, Barry Levinson) ... B (68)
619. (07 Sep) Breaker Morant (1980, Bruce Beresford) ... C (42)
618. (06 Sep) Holiday Inn (1942, Mark Sandrich) ... C (38)
617. (05 Sep) Eight Crazy Nights (2002, Seth Kearsley) ... F (2)
616. (05 Sep) I Am a Fugitive from a Chain Gang (1932, Mervyn LeRoy) ... B (61)
615. (04 Sep) Night and the City (1950, Jules Dassin) ... B (66)
614. (04 Sep) Demon City Shinjuku (1988, Yoshiaki Kawajiri) ... C+ (50)
613. (03 Sep) Equinox (1970, Jack Woods) ... C- (34)
612. (03 Sep) A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (1945, Elia Kazan) ... B (61)
611. (02 Sep) Menace II Society (1993, The Hughes Brothers) ... F (2)
610. (02 Sep) The Ipcress File (1965, Sidney J. Furie) ... B- (60)
609. (01 Sep) The Italian Job (1969, Peter Collinson) ... C+ (50)
608. (01 Sep) Powder (1995, Victor Salva) ... F (2)
607. (01 Sep) Children of the Damned (1963, Anton Leader) ... C (39)
606. (31 Aug) Monster from Green Hell (1958, Kenneth G. Crane) ... F (7)
605. (30 Aug) Little Secrets (2001, Blair Treu) ... C+ (50)
604. (30 Aug) Phantasm (1979, Don Coscarelli) ... D+ (21)
603. (29 Aug) Duck Soup (1933, Leo McCarey) ... B+ (70)
602. (29 Aug) The Seeker: The Dark is Rising (2007, David L. Cunningham) ... C- (31)
601. (28 Aug) Chicago Deadline (1949, Lewis Allen) ... C+ (47)
600. (28 Aug) Panic in the Streets (1950, Elia Kazan) ... C+ (50)
599. (27 Aug) Alvin and the Chipmunks (2007, Tim Hill) ... F (6)
598. (27 Aug) The Spiderwick Chronicles (2008, Mark Waters) ... C+ (49)
597. (26 Aug) The Thin Man (1934, W. S. Van Dyke) ... B- (58)
596. (26 Aug) Straw Dogs (1971, Sam Peckinpah) ... C (40)
595. (25 Aug) Brief Encounter (1945, David Lean) ... B (69)
594. (25 Aug) Sorcerer (1977, William Friedkin) ... B- (55)
593. (24 Aug) Corpse Bride (2005, Tim Burton) ... B (67)
592. (24 Aug) Caligula (1979, Tinto Brass) ... F (1)
591. (23 Aug) Mortal Kombat (1995, Paul W.S. Anderson) ... F (9) (Halcyon + On + On sure was popular back in the day, viz this + Hackers)
590. (22 Aug) Event Horizon (1997, Paul W. S. Anderson) ... C+ (51)
589. (22 Aug) Resident Evil (2002, Paul W. S. Anderson) ... C (42)
588. (21 Aug) Reign Over Me (2007, Mike Binder) ... C (39)
587. (21 Aug) Hell is for Heroes (1962, Don Siegel) ... B- (54)
586. (20 Aug) Equus (1977, Sidney Lumet) ... C- (31)
585. (20 Aug) One, Two, Three (1961, Billy Wilder) ... B+ (71)
s20. (19 Aug) The High Sign (1921, Edward F. Cline) ... B (61)
584. (19 Aug) The Happening (2008, M. Night Shyamalan) ... F (4)
583. (18 Aug) Liquid Sky (1982, Slava Tsukerman) ... D (10)
582. (18 Aug) Flushed Away (2006, Bowers / Fell) ... B+ (76)
581. (17 Aug) Toy Story (1995, John Lasseter) ... B+ (70)
580. (17 Aug) Saludos Amigos (1942) ... C (43)
579. (16 Aug) The Three Caballeros (1944, Norman Ferguson) ... C- (35)
578. (16 Aug) Bee Movie (2007, Hickner / Smith) ... C- (32)
577. (15 Aug) My Little Chickadee (1940, Edward F. Cline) ... B- (60)
576. (15 Aug) The Cell (2000, Tarsem Singh) ... C (40)
575. (14 Aug) Never Say Never Again (1983, Irvin Kershner) ... C+ (46)
574. (14 Aug) To Have and Have Not (1944, Howard Hawks) ... B (65)
573. (13 Aug) The Long Good Friday (1980, John Mackenzie) ... B- (53)
572. (13 Aug) The Warriors (19779, Walter Hill) ... C (40)
571. (12 Aug) Robot Carnival (1987, Otomo et al) ... C+ (46)
570. (12 Aug) Wait Until Dark (1967, Terrence Young) ... B- (56)
569. (11 Aug) Old Yeller (1957, Robert Stevenson) ... D+ (19)
568. (11 Aug) Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 (1987, Lee Harry) ... F (6)
567. (10 Aug) Monster House (2006, Gil Kenan) ... B (65)
566. (10 Aug) Battle Beyond the Stars (1980, Jimmy T. Murakami) ... D+ (25)
565. (10 Aug) Fire and Ice (1983, Ralph Bakshi) ... D+ (24)
564. (10 Aug) The Assassination Bureau (1969, Basil Dearden) ... B- (55)
563. (09 Aug) Puberty Blues (1981, Bruce Beresford) ... C+ (44)
562. (09 Aug) Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984, Charles E. Sellier Jr.) ... D+ (21)
561. (08 Aug) Escape to Witch Mountain (1975, John Hough) ... C- (31)
560. (08 Aug) Death Race 2000 (1975, Paul Bartel) ... B- (51)
559. (07 Aug) Raging Bull (1980, Martin Scorsese) ... B- (57)
558. (07 Aug) Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981, George Miller) ... A- (86)
557. (07 Aug) Exiled (2007, Johnnie To) ... B- (59)
556. (06 Aug) The Nines (2007, John August) ... C- (35)
555. (06 Aug) Manufactured Landscapes (2007, Jennifer Baichwal) ... C+ (50)
554. (05 Aug) We Are the Strange (2007, M. dot Strange) ... F (2)
553. (05 Aug) Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1999, Guy Ritchie) ... B- (60)
552. (05 Aug) Lucky You (2007, Curtis Hanson) ... C- (31)
551. (04 Aug) The Jane Austen Book Club (2007, Robin Swicord) ... C (41)
550. (04 Aug) No End in Sight (2007, Charles Ferguson) ... C+ (47)
549. (03 Aug) Love in the Afternoon (1957, Billy Wilder) ... B- (58)
548. (03 Aug) Eagle vs. Shark (2007, Taika Cohen) ... F (6)
547. (02 Aug) Atonement (2007, Joe Wright) ... C+ (48)
546. (02 Aug) Danger: Diabolik (1968, Mario Bava) ... B- (52)
545. (01 Aug) Coonskin (1975, Ralph Bakshi) ... C+ (48)
544. (01 Aug) Squirm (1976, Jeff Lieberman) ... D (13)
543. (31 Jul) Nancy Drew (2007, Andrew Fleming) ... B+ (77)
542. (31 Jul) American Pop (1981, Ralph Bakshi) ... C- (32)
541. (31 Jul) The Horrors of Spider Island (1960, Fritz Bottger) ... F (5)
540. (31 Jul) Objective, Burma! (1945, Raoul Walsh) ... B (61)
539. (30 Jul) Feel the Noise (2007, Alejandro Chomski) ... F (3)
538. (30 Jul) Severance (2007, Christopher Smith) ... D+ (26)
537. (30 Jul) The Bat People (1974, Jerry Jameson) ... D+ (23)
536. (29 Jul) The Great American Chase (1979, Jones / Monroe) ... C+ (48)
535. (29 Jul) Final Justice (1985, Greydon Clark) ... F (8)
534. (28 Jul) You're Under Arrest: The Motion Picture (1999, Junji Nishimura) ... C+ (49)
533. (28 Jul) Track of the Moon Beast (1976, Richard Ashe) ... F (5)
532. (27 Jul) Rock and Rule (1983, Clive A. Smith) ... D+ (24)
531. (27 Jul) Boggy Creek II (1985, Charles B. Pierce) ... F (7)
530. (26 Jul) Belladonna of Sadness (1973, Eiichi Yamamoto) ... F (7)
529. (26 Jul) Blood Waters of Dr. Z (1975, Don Barton) ... F (6)
528. (25 Jul) The Flight of the Phoenix (1965, Robert Aldrich) ... B- (56)
527. (25 Jul) Future War (1997, Anthony Doublin) ... F (4)
526. (24 Jul) The Dark Knight (2008, Christopher Nolan) ... B+ (75)
525. (24 Jul) Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders (1996, Kenneth J. Berton) ... D (16)
524. (24 Jul) Johnny Guitar (1954, Nicholas Ray) ... B+ (68)
523. (23 Jul) Popeye (1980, Robert Altman) ... B- (54)
522. (23 Jul) Crusher Joe (1983, Yoshikazu Yasuhiko) ... B- (58)
521. (23 Jul) Girl in Gold Boots (1968, Ted V. Mikels) ... D (13)
520. (22 Jul) The Party (1968, Blake Edwards) ... B (64)
519. (22 Jul) Gorgo (1961, Eugene Lourie) ... D (15)
518. (22 Jul) Rebel Without a Cause (1955, Nicholas Ray) ... B- (53)
517. (21 Jul) Journey to the Center of the Earth (1959, Henry Levin) ... C- (28)
516. (21 Jul) The Space Children (1958, Jack Arnold) ... D (16)
515. (20 Jul) The Projected Man (1967, Ian Curteis) ... F (3)
514. (20 Jul) Logan's Run (1976, Michael Anderson) ... B- (57)
513. (19 Jul) Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978, Philip Kaufman) ... C (42)
512. (19 Jul) Sweet Smell of Success (1957, Alexander Mackendrick) ... B (65)
511. (19 Jul) Space Mutiny (1988, David Winters) ... F (8)
510. (18 Jul) Party Girl (1958, Nicholas Ray) ... B (68)
509. (18 Jul) Forbidden Planet (1956, Fred M. Wilcox) ... C+ (44)
508. (18 Jul) Invasion of the Neptune Men (1961, Koji Ota) ... F (4)
507. (17 Jul) Avanti! (1972, Billy Wilder) ... B (62)
506. (17 Jul) Somewhere in Time (1980, Jeannot Szwarc) ... C+ (51)
505. (17 Jul) Devil Doll (1964, Lindsay Shonteff) ... C (40)
504. (16 Jul) Juno (2007, Jason Reitman) ... C+ (48)
503. (16 Jul) Agent for H.A.R.M. (1966, Gerd Oswald) ... C- (30)
502. (16 Jul) The Beastmaster (1982, Don Coscarelli) ... C+ (46)
501. (15 Jul) The Lizzie McGuire Movie (2003, Jim Fall) ... B- (56)
500. (15 Jul) Barton Fink (1991, The Coens) ... B (64)
499. (15 Jul) Riding with Death (1976, Levi / McDougall) ... D+ (19)
s19. (14 Jul) Easy Street (1917, Charlie Chaplin) ... C+ (49)
s18. (14 Jul) The Fireman (1916, Charlie Chaplin) ... C+ (44)
498. (14 Jul) The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies!!? (1964, Ray Dennis Steckler) ... F (7)
497. (14 Jul) By the Light of the Silvery Moon (1953, David Butler) ... C+ (48)
496. (13 Jul) Hocus Pocus (1993, Kenny Ortega) ... C (40)
495. (13 Jul) Parts: The Clonus Horror (1979, Robert S. Fiveson) ... C (43)
494. (12 Jul) Laura (1944, Otto Preminger) ... B+ (70)
493. (12 Jul) The Giant Spider Invasion (1975, Bill Rebane) ... F (6)
492. (11 Jul) Intolerable Cruelty (2003, The Coens) ... C+ (49)
491. (11 Jul) Raw Deal (1948, Anthony Mann) ... B- (56)
490. (11 Jul) Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957, Roger Corman) ... C- (35)
489. (10 Jul) 5 Centimeters Per Second (2007, Makoto Shinkai) ... C+ (49)
488. (10 Jul) I Was a Teenage Werewolf (1957, Gene Fowler Jr.) ... F (4)
487. (09 Jul) House of Usher (1960, Roger Corman) ... B- (58)
486. (09 Jul) No Country for Old Men (2007, Coens) ... B- (54)
485. (09 Jul) The She-Creature (1956, Edward L. Cahn) ... F (6)
484. (08 Jul) Secret of the Sword (1985, Friedman et al) ... C- (34)
483. (08 Jul) Destination Moon (1950, Irving Pichel) ... D+ (23)
482. (08 Jul) The Thing That Couldn't Die (1958, Will Cowan) ... F (5)
481. (07 Jul) Cat Soup [m] (2001, Tatsuo Sato) ... F (6)
480. (07 Jul) The Mist (2007, Frank Darabont) ... C (39)
479. (07 Jul) The Leech Woman (1960, Edward Dein) ... F (7)
478. (06 Jul) American Gangster (2007, Ridley Scott) ... C- (28)
477. (06 Jul) Mr. Woodcock (2007, Craig Gillespie) ... D+ (25)
476. (06 Jul) Revenge of the Creature (1955, Jack Arnold) ... F (5)
475. (05 Jul) Black Christmas (1974, Bob Clark) ... C (38)
474. (05 Jul) Wall * E (2008, Andrew Stanton) ... B- (59)
473. (05 Jul) Escape 2000 (1983, Enzo G. Castellari) ... F (5)
472. (04 Jul) Ball of Fire (1941, Howard Hawks) ... B- (59)
471. (04 Jul) The Brute Man (1946, Jean Yarbrough) ... F (6)
470. (04 Jul) Pee-Wee's Big Adventure (1985, Tim Burton) ... B- (52)
469. (03 Jul) The 'Burbs (1989, Joe Dante) ... C- (33)
468. (03 Jul) The Adventures of Mark Twain (1985, Will Vinton) ... C+ (44)
467. (03 Jul) Night of the Blood Beast (1958, Bernard L. Kowalski) ... F (6)
466. (02 Jul) Samson vs. the Vampires (1962, Alfonso Corona Blake) ... F (4)
465. (02 Jul) 40 Days and 40 Nights (2002, Michael Lehmann) ... F (8)
464. (02 Jul) Angels' Brigade (1979, Greydon Clark) ... F (5)
463. (01 Jul) Three Amigos (1986, John Landis) ... C- (28)
462. (01 Jul) Pokémon: The First Movie (1999, Haigney / Yuyama) ... F (6) (The Yu-Gi-Oh movie was funnier. "Not even an eternity lasts forever!")
461. (01 Jul) Danger! Death Ray (1967, Gianfranco Baldanello) ... D (18)
460. (01 Jul) When Harry Met Sally (1989, Rob Reiner) ... B (58)
459. (30 Jun) Bringing Up Baby (1938, Howard Hawks) ... B (68)
458. (30 Jun) Police Story (1985, Jackie Chan) ... B (67)
457. (30 Jun) The Sword and the Dragon (1956, Aleksandr Ptushko) ... C (43)
456. (30 Jun) Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (1988, Robert Zemeckis) ... B (62)
tv05. (30 Jun) "Gunslinger Girl" (2003) ... B- (59)
455. (29 Jun) High School Big Shot (1959, Joel Rapp) ... F (4)
454. (29 Jun) The War of the Roses (1989, Danny DeVito) ... B- (51)
453. (29 Jun) The Great Debaters (2007, Denzel Washington) ... D (15)
vg05. (28 Jun) Fallout: A Post-Nuclear Role-Playing Game (1997) ... A (98)
452. (28 Jun) Racket Girls (1951, Robert C. Dertano) ... F (5)
451. (28 Jun) A Bucket of Blood (1959, Roger Corman) ... B- (57)
450. (28 Jun) Kitten with a Whip (1964, Douglas Heyes) ... C+ (47)
449. (27 Jun) The Sword of Doom (1966, Kihachi Okamoto) ... B+ (65)
448. (27 Jun) San Francisco International (1970, John Llewellyn Moxey) ... F (8)
447. (27 Jun) Arion (1986, Hamatsu / Yasuhiko) ... B- (52)
446. (26 Jun) A Dog's Life [m] (1918, Charlie Chaplin) ... C+ (45)
445. (26 Jun) The Sinister Urge (1960, Edward D. Wood Jr.) ... F (7)
444. (26 Jun) Monster's Ball (2001, Marc Forster) ... D (14)
443. (25 Jun) The Spanish Prisoner (1998, David Mamet) ... C+ (49)
442. (25 Jun) The Violent Years (1956, William Morgan) ... F (8)
s17. (25 Jun) A Young Man's Fancy (1952, Donald H. Brown) ... F (5)
441. (25 Jun) The Night of the Hunter (1955, Charles Laughton) ... A- (78)
440. (24 Jun) The African Queen (1951, John Huston) ... B- (55)
439. (24 Jun) The Kid (1921, Charlie Chaplin) ... C (41)
438. (24 Jun) The Skydivers (1963, Coleman Francis) ... D (18)
437. (23 Jun) Mind Game (2004, Masaaki Yuasa) ... D+ (27)
436. (23 Jun) The Bucket List (2007, Rob Reiner) ... C (42)
435. (23 Jun) Codename: Diamond Head (1977, Jeannot Szwarc) ... F (4)
s16. (23 Jun) A Day at the Fair (1947) ... F (2)
434. (22 Jun) Wicked City (1987, Yoshiaki Kawajiri) ... D+ (26)
433. (22 Jun) The Air I Breathe (2008, Jieho Lee) ... F (2)
432. (22 Jun) The Bank Job (2008, Roger Donaldson) ... B- (57)
431. (22 Jun) The Dead Talk Back (1957, Merle S. Gould) ... F (5)
430. (21 Jun) Hitman (2007, Xavier Gens) ... D+ (26)
429. (21 Jun) Invasion U.S.A. (1952, Alfred E. Green) ... F (4)
428. (21 Jun) Snake in the Eagle's Shadow (1978, Woo-ping Yuen) ... C (43)
427. (21 Jun) Village of the Giants (1965, Bert I. Gordon) ... F (9)
426. (20 Jun) Superman (1978, Richard Donner) ... B- (53)
425. (20 Jun) Porky's (1982, Bob Clark) ... C- (34)
424. (20 Jun) Teenage Crime Wave (1955, Fred F. Sears) ... F (7)
423. (20 Jun) Stripes (1981, Ivan Reitman) ... D+ (22)
422. (19 Jun) Hackers (1995, Iain Softley) ... D (16)
421. (19 Jun) Looney Tunes: Back in Action (2003, Joe Dante) ... C+ (45)
420. (19 Jun) The Punisher (2004, Jonathan Hensleigh) ... F (8)
419. (18 Jun) Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004, Alfonso Cuaron) ... A- (88)
418. (18 Jun) Dude, Where's My Car? (2000, Danny Leiner) ... C (37)
417. (18 Jun) Broken Arrow (1950, Delmer Daves) ... C- (30)
416. (18 Jun) Planet of the Apes (1968, Franklin J. Schaffner) ... C+ (46)
415. (18 Jun) Radar Secret Service (1950, Sam Newfield) ... F (6)
414. (17 Jun) Lethal Weapon (1987, Richard Donner) ... B- (52)
413. (17 Jun) Old School (2003, Todd Phillips) ... D+ (20)
412. (17 Jun) The Sandlot (1993, David M. Evans) ... C+ (49)
411. (17 Jun) The Andromeda Strain (1971, Robert Wise) ... B- (60)
410. (16 Jun) Beginning of the End (1957, Bert I. Gordon) ... F (4)
409. (16 Jun) Wes Craven's New Nightmare (1994, Wes Craven) ... C+ (48)
408. (16 Jun) Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare (1991, Rachel Talalay) ... D (14)
407. (15 Jun) A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: Dream Child (1989, Stephen Hopkins) ... D (17)
406. (15 Jun) A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988, Renny Harlin) ... C (42)
405. (15 Jun) A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987, Chuck Russell) ... C (36)
404. (15 Jun) A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge (1985, Jack Sholder) ... D+ (19)
403. (15 Jun) A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984, Wes Craven) ... D+ (27) (LOL Freddy Krueger ... emo stalker extraordinaire!)
402. (15 Jun) Teenage Strangler (1964, Ben Parker) ... F (4)
401. (14 Jun) Newsies (1992, Kenny Ortega) ... F (4)
400. (14 Jun) Mitchell (1975, Andrew V. McLaglen) ... F (4)
399. (13 Jun) Goldeneye (1995, Martin Campbell) ... B (63)
398. (13 Jun) Rope (1948, Alfred Hitchcock) ... C+ (48)
397. (13 Jun) The Painted Hills (1951, Harold F. Kress) ... F (5)
396. (12 Jun) The Black Stallion (1979, Carol Ballard) ... C+ (44)
395. (12 Jun) The Killer (1989, John Woo) ... B- (56)
394. (12 Jun) The Girl in Lovers Lane (1959, Charles R. Rondeau) ... F (9)
393. (11 Jun) Flashdance (1983, Adrian Lyne) ... D (18)
392. (11 Jun) Persuasion (1995, Roger Michell) ... B (59)
391. (11 Jun) The Magical Voyage of Sinbad (1953, Aleksandr Ptushko) ... F (6)
390. (10 Jun) P2 (2007, Franck Khalfoun) ... C (42)
389. (10 Jun) King Arthur (2004, Antoine Fuqua) ... C- (34)
388. (10 Jun) Bloody Sunday (2002, Paul Greengrass) ... C (39)
387. (10 Jun) Secret Agent Super Dragon (1966, Giorgio Ferroni) ... D (17)
386. (09 Jun) Welcome to the Dollhouse (1996, Todd Solondz) ... F (2)
385. (09 Jun) Pitch Black (2000, David Twohy) ... D+ (27)
384. (09 Jun) Swamp Diamonds (1955, Roger Corman) ... C- (28)
383. (09 Jun) Dead Leaves [m] (2004, Hiroyuki Imaishi) ... C+ (49)
382. (08 Jun) American History X (1998, Tony Kaye) ... F (3)
tv04. (08 Jun) Star Wars: Clone Wars (2003) ... C+ (46)
381. (08 Jun) Windtalkers (2002, John Woo) ... C+ (45)
380. (08 Jun) Terms of Endearment (1983, James L. Brooks) ... B- (55)
379. (08 Jun) Warrior of the Lost World (1983, David Worth) ... F (5)
s15. (07 Jun) The Immigrant [s] (1917, Charles Chaplin) ... C+ (48)
378. (07 Jun) Tears of the Sun (2003, Antoine Fuqua) ... F (7)
377. (07 Jun) The Swan Princess (1994, Richard Rich) ... C+ (46)
376. (07 Jun) The Human Duplicators (1965, Hugo Grimaldi) ... D+ (21)
375. (06 Jun) Dazed and Confused (1993, Richard Linklater) ... A (92)
374. (06 Jun) The Road to El Dorado (2000, Bergeron / Paul) ... B- (55)
373. (06 Jun) The Rebel Set (1959, Gene Fowler Jr.) ... C- (29)
372. (05 Jun) Crash of the Moons (1954, Hollingsworth Morse) ... F (4)
371. (04 Jun) The Pagemaster (1994, Pixote Hunt) ... C+ (45)
370. (04 Jun) Heavy Metal (1981, Gerald Potterton) ... D+ (23)
369. (04 Jun) The King of Comedy (1982, Martin Scorsese) ... B (58)
368. (04 Jun) The Beatniks (1960, Paul Frees) ... F (7)
367. (03 Jun) One Hour Photo (2002, Mark Romanek) ... D+ (22)
366. (03 Jun) We Were Soldiers (2002, Randall Wallace) ... D+ (20)
365. (03 Jun) Octopussy (1983, John Glen) ... C+ (49)
364. (03 Jun) Cats Don't Dance (1997, Mark Dindal) ... B- (52)
363. (03 Jun) Tormented (1960, Bert I. Gordon) ... D+ (25)
362. (02 Jun) Song of the South (1946, Foster / Jackson) ... D (16)
361. (02 Jun) Body Heat (1981, Lawrence Kasdan) ... B- (52)
360. (02 Jun) State Property (2002, Abdul Malik Abbott) ... F (2)
359. (02 Jun) Manhunt in Space (1956, Hollingsworth Morse) ... F (7)
358. (01 Jun) The Assassination of Richard Nixon (2004, Niels Mueller) ... C (37)
357. (01 Jun) Behind Enemy Lines (2001, John Moore) ... D (12) (War sucks, the planes cost our taxpayers 40 mil a pop. Er hold up, I mean war is utterly badass, so we'll add slo-mo and breakbeats to nearly every scene. I dub thee Owen Wilson of the Epic Grimace.)
356. (01 Jun) Hercules and the Captive Women (1961, Vittorio Cottafavi) ... F (9)
355. (01 Jun) Hercules Against the Moon Men (1964, Giancomo Gentilomo) ... F (8)
354. (31 May) The 7th Voyage of Sinbad (1958, Nathan Juran) ... C+ (47)
353. (31 May) Basic (2003, John McTiernan) ... C- (31)
352. (31 May) Space Travelers (1969, John Sturges) ... F (7)
351. (30 May) Amistad (1997, Steven Spielberg) ... D (15)
350. (30 May) Master Ninja II (1984, Ray Austin) ... F (4)
349. (30 May) Master Ninja I (1984, Robert Clouse) ... D (10)
348. (29 May) Dinosaur (2000, Leighton / Zondag) ... D+ (22)
347. (29 May) Mighty Jack (1968, Kazuho Mitsuta) ... F (9)
346. (28 May) The Amazing Colossal Man (1957, Bert I. Gordon) ... F (4)
345. (27 May) Flipper (1996, Alan Shapiro) ... C+ (48)
344. (27 May) Splash (1984, Ron Howard) ... B (64)
343. (27 May) Mr. Magoo (1997, Stanley Tong) ... D (11)
342. (27 May) Daddy-O (1958, Lou Place) ... F (5)
341. (26 May) Them (1954, Gordon Douglas) ... C- (33)
340. (26 May) Not Another Teen Movie (2001, Joel Gallen) ... C (41)
339. (26 May) The Cooler (2003, Wayne Kramer) ... D+ (21)
338. (26 May) Time of the Apes (Fukazawa / Okunaka) ... F (5)
337. (25 May) The Stranger (1973, Lee H. Katzin) ... D+ (23)
336. (24 May) Wild Rebels (1967, William Grefe) ... D (12)
335. (24 May) Radio (2003, Michael Tollin) ... F (4)
334. (23 May) Richie Rich (1994, Donald Petrie) ... D (15)
333. (23 May) Thinner (1996, Tom Holland) ... D (11)
332. (22 May) Ring of Terror (1962, Clark L. Paylow) ... F (3)
331. (22 May) The Mangler (1995, Tobe Hooper) ... F (2)
330. (22 May) Gummo (1997, Harmony Korine) ... F (2)
329. (21 May) Along Came Polly (2004, John Hamburg) ... F (4)
328. (21 May) Rocket Attack USA (1961, Barry Mahon) ... F (2)
327. (20 May) Catalina Caper (1967, Lee Sholem) ... F (3)
326. (20 May) The Medallion (2003, Gordon Chan) ... C+ (48)
325. (19 May) The Side Hackers (1969, Gus Trikonis) ... F (3)
324. (19 May) Rocketship X-M (1950, Kurt Neumann) ... D+ (24)
323. (18 May) Bullitt (1968, Peter Yates) ... B- (58)
322. (18 May) The Butterfly Effect (2004, Bress / Gruber) ... C+ (45)
321. (18 May) License to Kill (1989, John Glen) ... C+ (51)
320. (18 May) Untamed Youth (1957, Howard W. Koch) ... D (17)
319. (17 May) Aquamarine (2006, Elizabeth Allen) ... A (92)
318. (17 May) Millennium Actress (2003, Satoshi Kon) ... A (90)
317. (17 May) A Clockwork Orange (1971, Stanley Kubrick) ... C- (35)
316. (17 May) The Hustler (1961, Robert Rossen) ... B- (56)
315. (17 May) Saving Private Ryan (1998, Steven Spielberg) ... B- (52)
314. (17 May) Moon Zero Two (1969, Roy Ward Baker) ... C+ (44)
313. (16 May) Glory (1989, Edward Zwick) ... C+ (45)
312. (16 May) Short Cuts (1993, Robert Altman) ... B- (57)
311. (16 May) Robot Holocaust (1986, Ted Kincaid) ... D (10)
310. (15 May) Friday the 13th (1980, Sean S. Cunningham) ... D (15)
309. (15 May) The Recruit (2003, Roger Donaldson) ... C (36)
308. (15 May) Deliverance (1972, John Boorman) ... C- (28)
307. (15 May) Project Moon Base (1953, Richard Talmadge) ... F (5)
306. (14 May) Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events (2004, Brad Silberling) ... A- (89)
305. (14 May) The Corpse Vanishes (1942, Wallace Fox) ... C (36)
304. (13 May) The Mad Monster (1942, Sam Newfield) ... F (4)
303. (13 May) The Screaming Skull (1958, Alex Nicol) ... F (6)
302. (12 May) Shark: Red on the Ocean (1984, Lamberto Bava) ... F (4)
301. (12 May) The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (1984, W.D. Richter) ... B- (53)
300. (12 May) Transformers: The Movie (1986, Nelson Shin) ... C (42)
299. (11 May) Little Manhattan (2005, Mark Levin) ... B+ (70)
298. (11 May) The Touch of Satan (1971, Tom Laughlin) ... F (6)
297. (11 May) The Driver (1978, Walter Hill) ... B (69)
s15. (10 May) The Haunted House (1921, Cline / Keaton) ... C+ (48)
vg04. (10 May) Odin Sphere (2007) ... B (64)
vg03. (10 May) Goldeneye 007 (1997) ... B+ (75)
296. (10 May) Moonraker (1979, Lewis Gilbert) ... B- (57)
295. (10 May) Live and Let Die (1973, Guy Hamilton) ... C+ (47)
294. (09 May) City Lights (1931, Charles Chaplin) ... B+ (68)
293. (09 May) Twister (1996, Jan de Bont) ... D+ (23)
292. (09 May) Hobgoblins (1988, Rick Sloane) ... F (3)
291. (08 May) The Circus (1928, Charles Chaplin) ... B (62)
290. (08 May) The Deadly Bees (1967, Freddie Francis) ... D (14)
289. (08 May) Werewolf (1996, Tony Zarindast) ... F (3)
s14. (08 May) The Love Nest [s] (1923, Cline / Keaton) ... C+ (50)
s13. (08 May) The Boat [s] (1921, Buster Keaton) ... C+ (49)
288. (07 May) The Navigator [m] (1924, Crisp / Keaton) ... C+ (50)
287. (07 May) Meet Joe Black (1998, Martin Brest) ... C- (33)
286. (07 May) Puma Man (1980, Alberto De Martino) ... F (7)
285. (06 May) Gremlins 2: The New Batch (1990, Joe Dante) ... B- (55)
284. (06 May) Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939, Frank Capra) ... B- (60)
283. (06 May) The Phantom Planet (1961, William Marshall) ... F (6)
282. (05 May) Magnetic Rose [m] (1995, Koji Morimoto) ... A- (88)
281. (05 May) Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (1954, Stanley Donen) ... C+ (51)
280. (05 May) Dead Poets Society (1989, Peter Weir) ... C (41)
279. (05 May) Picnic at Hanging Rock (1975, Peter Weir) ... C (40)
278. (04 May) Black Hawk Down (2001, Ridley Scott) ... C- (31)
277. (04 May) Overdrawn at the Memory Bank (1985, Douglas Williams) ... F (9)
276. (04 May) Dead Man Walking (1995, Tim Robbins) ... C+ (47)
275. (03 May) Mighty Aphrodite (1995, Woody Allen) ... C+ (48)
274. (03 May) The Horror at Party Beach (1964, Del Tenney) ... F (4)
273. (03 May) How the Earth Was Made (2007, Peter Chinn) ... B+ (73)
272. (03 May) Malibu's Most Wanted (2003, John Whitesell) ... F (3)
271. (02 May) Kids (1995, Larry Clark) ... F (3)
270. (02 May) Morozko (1964, Aleksander Rou) ... D+ (27)
269. (02 May) Kronos (1957, Kurt Neumann) ... F (6)
268. (01 May) Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985, Miller / Ogilvie) ... B- (56)
267. (01 May) Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981, George Miller) ... B+ (79)
266. (01 May) Mad Max (1979, George Miller) ... C (39)
265. (01 May) Terror from the Year 5000 (1958, Robert J. Gurney Jr.) ... F (4)
264. (30 Apr) Stand by Me (1986, Rob Reiner) ... B (59)
263. (30 Apr) Highlander (1986, Russell Mulcahy) ... C+ (45) ("There can be only one!")
262. (30 Apr) The Undead (1957, Roger Corman) ... C+ (50)
261. (30 Apr) The Deadly Mantis (1957, Nathan Juran) ... F (7)
260. (29 Apr) Miami Blues (1990, George Armitage) ... B (61)
259. (29 Apr) The Mole People (1956. Virgil W. Vogel) ... F (8)
258. (29 Apr) The Grudge (2004, Takashi Shimizu) ... D+ (20)
257. (28 Apr) Laserblast (1978, Michael Rae) ... F (5)
256. (28 Apr) Alien: Resurrection (1997, Jean-Pierre Jeunet) ... C (39)
255. (28 Apr) Alien 3 (1992, David Fincher) ... D (16)
254. (27 Apr) The Incredible Melting Man (1977, William Sachs) ... F (5)
253. (27 Apr) 8MM (1999, Joel Schumacher) ... C (36)
252. (27 Apr) Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell (1988, Alfonso Corona) ... F (5)
251. (27 Apr) Scream (1996, Wes Craven) ... B- (51)
250. (26 Apr) The Amazing Transparent Man (1960, Edgar G. Ulmer) ... F (5)
s12. (26 Apr) The Days of Our Years (1955, Allen H. Miner) ... F (4)
249. (26 Apr) Gladiatress (2004, Brian Grant) ... D+ (25)
248. (26 Apr) MVP: Most Valuable Primate (2000, Robert Vince) ... F (3)
247. (25 Apr) Red Zone Cuba (1966, Coleman Francis) ... F (6)
s11. (25 Apr) Speech: Platform Posture and Appearance [s] (1949, Arthur H. Wolf) ... F (3)
246. (25 Apr) The Starfighters (1964, Will Zens) ... F (2)
245. (25 Apr) Risky Business (1983, Paul Brickman) ... C (36)
244. (24 Apr) St. Elmo's Fire (1985, Joel Schmacher) ... D (10)
243. (24 Apr) The Cable Guy (1996, Ben Stiller) ... D+ (24)
242. (24 Apr) Last of the Wild Horses (1948, Robert L. Lippert) ... F (6)
241. (23 Apr) Bloodlust (1961, Ray Brooke) ... F (5)
s10. (23 Apr) Uncle Jim's Dairy Farm (1960) ... F (2)
240. (23 Apr) Reality Bites (1994, Ben Stiller) ... C+ (44)
239. (23 Apr) The Creeping Terror (1964, Arthur Nelson) ... F (2)
238. (22 Apr) Colossus and the Headhunters (1960, Guido Malatesta) ... F (6)
237. (22 Apr) Zombie Nightmare (1986, Jack Bravman) ... F (2)
236. (22 Apr) Jackie Brown (1997, Quentin Tarantino) ... C+ (50)
235. (21 Apr) Christmas with the Kranks (2004, Joe Roth) ... F (4)
234. (21 Apr) Executive Decision (1996, Stuart Baird) ... B- (57)
233. (20 Apr) Raise Your Voice (2004, Sean McNamara) ... D+ (22)
232. (20 Apr) The Blues Brothers (1980, John Landis) ... C+ (50)
231. (20 Apr) Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey (1991, Peter Hewitt) ... B- (53)
230. (20 Apr) Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989, Stephen Herek) ... B- (52)
229. (19 Apr) The Last Unicorn (1982, Bass / Rankin Jr.) ... B (66)
228. (19 Apr) Lost in Space (1998, Stephen Hopkins) ... D (18)
227. (19 Apr) Girls Town (1959, Charles F. Haas) ... F (5)
226. (18 Apr) Surviving Christmas (2004, Mike Mitchell) ... F (7)
225. (18 Apr) Santa Claus (1959, René Cardona) ... F (2)
224. (18 Apr) Lord of the Rings (1978, Ralph Bakshi) ... C+ (51)
223. (18 Apr) Seven Years in Tibet (1997, Jean-Jacques Annaud) ... C+ (50)
222. (17 Apr) Ringu (1998, Hideo Nakata) ... C+ (48)
221. (17 Apr) Ms. 45 (1981, Abel Ferrara) ... C+ (44)
220. (17 Apr) Outlaw of Gor (1989, John Cardos) ... F (4)
219. (17 Apr) Excalibur (1981, John Boorman) ... B- (54)
218. (16 Apr) The Atomic Brain (1964, Joseph V. Mascelli) ... F (6) ("How very ... ironical!")
217. (16 Apr) Inspector Gadget (1999, David Kellogg) ... D (17)
216. (16 Apr) Alien from L.A. (1988, Albert Pyun) ... F (6)
215. (16 Apr) Shallow Hal (2001, The Farrelly Brothers) ... C+ (46)
214. (15 Apr) 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain (1998, Sean McNamara) ... F (5)
213. (15 Apr) 3 Ninjas Knuckle Up (1995, Sang-Ok Shin) ... F (3)
212. (15 Apr) 3 Ninjas Kick Back (1994, Charles T. Kanganis) ... F (3)
211. (15 Apr) 3 Ninjas (1992, John Turteltaub) ... F (4)
210. (14 Apr) Wet Hot American Summer (2001, David Wain) ... B- (54)
209. (14 Apr) Fritz the Cat (1972, Ralph Bakshi) ... D (11)
208. (14 Apr) The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987, Rodney Amateau) ... F (1)
207. (13 Apr) FernGully: The Last Rainforest (1992, Bill Kroyer) ... D+ (27)
206. (13 Apr) The Wild World of Batwoman (1966, Jerry Warren) ... F (2)
205. (13 Apr) The Gods Must Be Crazy (1980, Jamie Uys) ... D+ (26)
204. (12 Apr) Point Blank (1967, John Boorman) ... B (62)
203. (12 Apr) Kazaam (1996, Paul Michael Glaser) ... F (3)
202. (12 Apr) Citizen Ruth (1996, Alexander Payne) ... B- (52)
201. (11 Apr) This Island Earth (1955, Joseph M. Newman) ... D (11)
200. (11 Apr) The Legend of Bagger Vance (2000, Robert Redford) ... C (38)
199. (11 Apr) Stuck on You (2003, The Farrelly Brothers) ... C+ (46)
198. (11 Apr) Microcosmos (1996, Nuridsany / Pérennou) ... B (59)
197. (11 Apr) The Brain That Wouldn't Die (1962, Joseph Green) ... F (4)
196. (10 Apr) Mixed Nuts (1994, Nora Ephron) ... F (7)
195. (10 Apr) Monster (2003, Patty Jenkins) ... F (2)
194. (10 Apr) My Boss's Daughter (2003, David Zucker) ... F (6)
193. (10 Apr) Son of the Mask (2005, Lawrence Guterman) ... F (2)
192. (10 Apr) Sleepover (2004, Joe Nussbaum) ... C+ (45)
191. (09 Apr) Snow Dogs (2002, Brian Levant) ... D (15)
190. (09 Apr) Holes (2003, Andrew Davis) ... B+ (71)
189. (09 Apr) Gunslinger (1956, Roger Corman) ... C- (30)
188. (08 Apr) Juggernaut (1974, Richard Lester) ... B (61)
187. (08 Apr) I Accuse My Parents (1944, Sam Newfield) ... F (2)
s09. (08 Apr) The Truck Farmer [s] (1954) ... F (2)
186. (08 Apr) Eegah (1962, Arch Hall Sr.) ... F (3)
185. (08 Apr) Hercules (1958, Pietro Fancisci) ... D+ (26)
184. (07 Apr) Bride of the Monster (1955, Edward D. Wood Jr.) ... F (8)
s08. (07 Apr) Hired! [s] (1940) ... F (2)
183. (07 Apr) Quest for Fire (1981, Jean-Jacques Annaud) ... F (9)
182. (07 Apr) The Day the Earth Froze (1959, Aleksandr Ptushko) ... F (4)
s07. (07 Apr) Here Comes the Circus [s] (1946) ... F (8)
181. (06 Apr) The Mask (1994, Chuck Russell) ... C (37)
180. (06 Apr) Pleasantville (1998, Gary Ross) ... C (42)
179. (06 Apr) The Omega Man (1971, Boris Sagal) ... C+ (48)
178. (05 Apr) Monster A Go-Go (1965, Bill Rebane) ... F (3)
s06. (05 Apr) Circus on Ice [s] (1954, Gordon Sparling) ... F (4)
177. (05 Apr) Attack of the Eye Creatures (1965, Larry Buchanan) ... F (4)
176. (05 Apr) Dreamcatcher (2003, Lawrence Kasdan) ... D (13)
175. (04 Apr) The Others (2001, Alejandro Amenabar) ... B- (60)
174. (04 Apr) Fire Maidens from Outer Space (1956, Cy Roth) ... F (5)
173. (03 Apr) The Magic Sword (1962, Bert I. Gordon) ... F (8)
172. (03 Apr) Arlington Road (1999, Mark Pellington) ... C+ (49)
171. (03 Apr) The Indestructible Man (1956, Jack Pollexfen) ... F (4)
170. (02 Apr) Vanishing Point (1971, Richard C. Sarafian) ... C (43)
169. (02 Apr) K-19: The Widowmaker (2002, Kathryn Bigelow) ... B (59) (De-Fenestrer: The Windowbreaker)
168. (02 Apr) Hercules Unchained (1959, Pietro Francisci) ... C (38)
167. (01 Apr) Anger Management (2003, Peter Segal) ... D+ (23)
166. (01 Apr) Something's Gotta Give (2003, Nancy Meyer) ... C+ (48)
165. (01 Apr) Attack of the Killer Shrews (1959, Ray Kellogg) ... D (10)
s05. (01 Apr) Junior Rodeo Daredevils [s] (1949) ... F (2)
164. (01 Apr) Attack of the Giant Leeches (1959, Bernard L. Kowalski) ... F (9)
163. (31 Mar) The Big Bounce (2004, George Armitage) ... C+ (50)
162. (31 Mar) Kramer vs. Kramer (1979, Robert Benton) ... B- (55)
161. (31 Mar) Teenagers from Outer Space (1959, Tom Graeff) ... D+ (25)
160. (30 Mar) Candy (2006, Neil Armsfield) ... F (2) (Because Requiem for a Dream needed a sequel)
159. (30 Mar) Wicker Park (2004, Paul McGuigan) ... D+ (23)
158. (30 Mar) City Limits (1985, Aaron Lipstadt) ... F (4)
157. (29 Mar) The Eye (2002, The Pang Brothers) ... C (41)
156. (29 Mar) The Giant Gila Monster (1959, Ray Kellog) ... F (3)
155. (28 Mar) The Castle of Fu Manchu (1969, Jesus Franco) ... F (6)
154. (28 Mar) Phat Girlz (2006, Nnegest Likké) ... F (1) (We, the fat black women of America endorse this movie. We find that it appropriately oscillates between self-pity and self-indulgence, accordingly commiserating with our hollow woes and conspicuously serving our perceived opponents. We require one hundred minutes to promulgate how fat women are attractive too and other people should view them in this way! I guess this means the same goes for fat guys too, right? No. No it doesn't. They must be lean, muscular, gentle, understanding, and compassionate individuals to meet our standards. Despciable.)
153. (28 Mar) The Unearthly (1957, Boris Petroff) ... F (5)
s04. (28 Mar) Appreciating Your Parents [s] (1950, Ted Peshak) ... F (3)
s03. (28 Mar) Posture Pals [s] (1952) ... F (2)
152. (27 Mar) War of the Colossal Beast (1958, Bert I. Gordon) ... F (6)
151. (27 Mar) It Conquered the World (1956, Roger Corman) ... D+ (23)
150. (27 Mar) The Haunted Mansion (2003, Rob Minkoff) ... D (13)
149. (27 Mar) The Fast and the Furious (2001, Rob Cohen) ... C+ (44) (Right. Forgotten I'd already seen this film. D'oh.)
148. (26 Mar) Fugitive Alien (1986, Kanaya / Kuzakawa) ... D+ (19)
147. (26 Mar) X2: X-Men United (2003, Bryan Singer) ... A- (89)
146. (26 Mar) Pod People (1983, Juan Piquer Simon) ... F (2)
145. (25 Mar) Torque (2004, Joseph Kahn) ... D+ (24)
144. (25 Mar) Teen Wolf (1985, Rod Daniel) ... D (14)
143. (25 Mar) Freddy Got Fingered (2001, Tom Green) ... F (1)
142. (25 Mar) Home Alone 3 (1997, Raja Gosnell) ... F (2)
141. (24 Mar) Let's Go to Prison (2006, Bob Odenkirk) ... F (3)
140. (24 Mar) Scooby-Doo 2 (2004, Raja Gosnell) ... F (4)
139. (24 Mar) Scooby-Doo (2002, Raja Gosnell) ... F (5)
138. (24 Mar) Gamera (1965, Noriaki Yuasa) ... F (7)
137. (23 Mar) Ator the Invincible 2 / Cave Dwellers (1984, Joe D'Amato) ... F (4)
136. (23 Mar) Godzilla (1998, Roland Emmerich) ... D (15)
135. (23 Mar) Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster (1966, Jun Fukuda) ... F (6)
134. (23 Mar) Godzilla vs. Megalon (1973, Jun Fukuda) ... D (10) (LOLOLO--)
133. (22 Mar) Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978, John De Bello) ... C+ (49)
132. (22 Mar) First Spaceship on Venus (1960, Kurt Maetzig) ... D (11) (The atmosphere of Venus ... 14% formaldehyde!)
131. (21 Mar) Empire of the Ants (1977, Bert I. Gordon) ... F (4) ("Did you hear that? ... Obligatory.")
130. (21 Mar) King Dinosaur (1955, Bert I. Gordon) ... F (5) ("Do you remember any of your chemistry? Enough to know about the chemistry between us!")
s02. (21 Mar) X Marks the Spot [s] (1944, Warren Arthur) ... F (4) ("He found out the hy-pottenoose of a triangle in traffic was the shortest way to the hospital!")
129. (20 Mar) Johnny Mnemonic (1995, Robert Longo) ... C+ (44)
128. (20 Mar) The Hellcats (1967, Robert F. Slatzer) ... F (8)
127. (20 Mar) Lost Continent (1951, Sam Newfield) ... F (3)
126. (19 Mar) Our Hospitality (1923, Blystone / Keaton) ... B (59)
125. (19 Mar) The 300 Spartans (1962, Rudolph Maté) ... C (42)
124. (19 Mar) Jungle Goddess (1948, Lewis D. Collins) ... F (4)
123. (19 Mar) The Black Scorpion (1957, Edward Ludwig) ... F (6)
122. (18 Mar) The General (1927, Bruckman / Keaton) ... C+ (50)
121. (18 Mar) Van Helsing (2004, Stephen Sommers) ... C+ (46)
120. (18 Mar) The Slime People (1963, Robert Hutton) ... F (3)
119. (18 Mar) Robot Monster (1953, Phil Tucker) ... F (7)
118. (17 Mar) A Time to Kill (1996, Joel Schumacher) ... F (2)
117. (17 Mar) Women of the Prehistoric Planet (1966, Arthur C. Pierce) ... F (8)
116. (17 Mar) The Crawling Eye (1958, Quentin Lawrence) ... F (7)
115. (17 Mar) Quest of the Delta Knights (1993, James Dodson) ... F (8)
114. (16 Mar) The Time Machine (1960, George Pal) ... C+ (46)
113. (16 Mar) Trouble in Paradise (1932, Ernst Lubitcsh) ... B+ (78)
vg02. (16 Mar) Super Smash Brothers Brawl (2008) ... B+ (71)
112. (15 Mar) Take the Money and Run (1969, Woody Allen) ... B (62)
111. (15 Mar) In the Land of Women (2007, Jon Kasdan) ... C+ (44)
110. (15 Mar) The Last Man on Earth (1964, Ubaldo Ragona) ... C (41)
tv03. (15 Mar) "Cold Case" (2003) ... D+ (26)
109. (14 Mar) King Kong (1933, Cooper / Schoedsack) ... B (61)
108. (14 Mar) Once (2007, John Carney) ... C (37)
107. (14 Mar) Harvey (1950, Henry Koster) ... C+ (47)
106. (13 Mar) Martian Child (2007, Menno Meyjes) ... C+ (46)
105. (13 Mar) The Shaolin Temple (1982, Xinyan Zhang) ... B- (53)
104. (12 Mar) The Big Boss (1971, Lo Wei) ... C (38)
103. (12 Mar) K-PAX (2001, Iain Softley) ... C- (28)
102. (11 Mar) Porco Rosso (1992, Hayao Miyazaki) ... A (100)
101. (11 Mar) Laputa: Castle in the Sky (1986, Hayao Miyazaki) ... A (95)
tv02. (11 Mar) "Law and Order: Criminal Intent" (2001) ... F (6)
100. (10 Mar) Seven Samurai (1954, Akira Kurosawa) ... A (100)
99. (10 Mar) The Secret of NIMH (1982, Don Bluth) ... C+ (50) (Cruelty to animals movies 1978-1982 wtf?)
98. (10 Mar) An American Tail (1986, Don Bluth) ... C+ (45)
97. (10 Mar) All Dogs Go to Heaven (1989, Bluth / Goldman) ... C (43)
96. (09 Mar) The Philadelphia Experiment (1984, Stewart Raffill) ... D (17)
95. (09 Mar) Over the Top (1987, Menahem Golan) ... F (2)
94. (09 Mar) Redline (2007, Andy Cheng) ... F (9)
93. (09 Mar) Look Who's Talking Now (1993, Tom Ropelewski) ... F (2)
92. (09 Mar) Look Who's Talking Too (1990, Amy Heckerling) ... F (3)
91. (09 Mar) Look Who's Talking (1989, Amy Heckerling) ... D (10)
90. (08 Mar) Babe: Pig in the City (1998, George Miller) ... B- (56)
89. (08 Mar) Babe (1995, Chris Noonan) ... B- (55)
88. (08 Mar) Humanoids of the Deep (1980, Barbara Peters) ... F (7)
87. (08 Mar) Phase IV (1974, Saul Bass) ... D+ (18)
86. (07 Mar) Titan A.E. (2000, Bluth / Goldman) ... C (40)
85. (07 Mar) Caddyshack (1980, Harold Ramis) ... C (37)
84. (07 Mar) Tiger and Crane Fists (1976, Yu Wang) ... C (36)
83. (06 Mar) Top Hat (1935, Mark Sandrich) ... B (65)
82. (06 Mar) On the Waterfront (1954, Eliz Kazan) ... B- (54)
s01. (06 Mar) The High Sign (1921, Cline / Keaton) ... B- (60)
81. (05 Mar) Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971, Mel Stuart) ... B (62)
80. (04 Mar) Mission to Mars (2000, Brian De Palma) ... D+ (25)
79. (04 Mar) The Little Princess (1939, Walter Lang) ... C+ (45)
78. (03 Mar) A Little Princess (1995, Alfonso Cuaron) ... B- (54)
77. (02 Mar) As Good As It Gets (1997, James L. Brooks) ... C- (33)
76. (02 Mar) Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994, Mike Newell) ... B- (52)
75. (01 Mar) Cube Zero (2004, Ernie Barbarash) ... D (16)
74. (29 Feb) Cube (1997, Vincenzo Natali) ... C- (34)
73. (29 Feb) How the Earth Was Made (2007, Peter Chinn) ... B+ (72)
72. (28 Feb) Game of Death (1978, Robert Clouse) ... D (10)
71. (27 Feb) Zu: Warriors From the Magic Mountain (1983, Tsui Hark) ... B (61) ("Orange guys! They're playing dead too!")
70. (26 Feb) The Grapes of Wrath (1940, John Ford) ... C+ (46)
69. (26 Feb) 30 Days of Night (2007, David Slade) ... C+ (47)
68. (25 Feb) His Girl Friday (1940, Howard Hawks) ... A (92)
67. (25 Feb) Before the Devil Knows You're Dead (2007, Sydney Lumet) ... C (40)
66. (24 Feb) Atlantis: The Lost Empire (2001, Trousdale / Wise) ... B (67)
65. (23 Feb) Tarzan (1999, Buck / Lima) ... C+ (49)
64. (22 Feb) The Maltese Falcon (1941, John Huston) ... B+ (77)
63. (21 Feb) Hercules (1997, Clements / Musker) ... B (68)
62. (20 Feb) The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996, Trousdale / Wise) ... B+ (70)
61. (20 Feb) In the Valley of Elah (2007, Paul Haggis) ... C (38)
60. (19 Feb) Pocahantas (1995, Gabriel / Goldberg) ... B (67)
59. (19 Feb) Gone Baby Gone (2007, Ben Affleck) ... C+ (49)
58. (18 Feb) Cloverfield (2008, Matt Reeves) ... C+ (46)
57. (17 Feb) The Lion King (1994, Allers / Minkoff) ... C- (32) (And then the antelopes eat the grass...)
56. (16 Feb) Beauty and the Beast (1991, Trousdale / Wise) ... B (63)
55. (15 Feb) Meet the Spartans (2008, Friedberg / Seltzer) ... F (9)
54. (14 Feb) The Brave One (2007, Neil Jordan) ... F (8)
53. (13 Feb) The Rescuers Down Under (1990, Butoy / Gabriel) ... C- (33) (Save the eagles)
52. (12 Feb) The Little Mermaid (1989, Clements / Musker) ... B (63)
51. (11 Feb) Oliver and Company (1988, George Scribner) ... C- (35)
50. (10 Feb) Across the Universe (2007, Julie Taymor) ... D (17)
49. (09 Feb) The Great Mouse Detective (1986, Clements / Mattinson / Michener / Musker) ... C+ (46)
48. (08 Feb) The Black Cauldron (1985, Berman / Rich) ... C+ (47) (Remember when the magical pig got attacked by ring wraiths at MorVERN? That was ... strangely familiar.)
47. (07 Feb) The Fox and the Hound (1981, Berman / Rich / Stevens) ... C (38)
46. (06 Feb) The Rescuers (1977, Lounsbery / Reitherman / Stevens) ... C+ (48)
45. (05 Feb) Sunshine (2007, Danny Boyle) ... B- (52)
44. (04 Feb) The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (1977, Lounsbery / Reitherman) ... B (63)
43. (04 Feb) The Mexican (2001, Gore Verbinski) ... C+ (49)
42. (03 Feb) Half Past Dead (2002, John Michael Paul) ... D (10)
41. (02 Feb) Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever (2002, Wych Kaosayananda) ... D (13)
40. (01 Feb) Master of Disguise (2002, Perry Andelin Blake) ... F (5)
39. (01 Feb) Bloodsport (1988, Newt Arnold) ... D+ (24)
38. (31 Jan) Baby Geniuses (1999, Bob Clark) ... F (4)
37. (31 Jan) The Adventures of Pluto Nash (2002, Ron Underwood) ... F (9)
36. (30 Jan) Robin Hood (1973, Wolfgang Reitherman) ... B- (56)
35. (29 Jan) The Aristocats (1970, Wolfgang Reitherman) ... C (37)
34. (28 Jan) Deep Water (2007, Osmond / Rothwell) ... B (63)
33. (28 Jan) The Game Plan (2007, Andy Fickman) ... D (16)
32. (27 Jan) The Jungle Book (1967, Wolfgang Reitherman) ... B (61)
31. (26 Jan) Rush Hour 3 (2007, Brett Ratner) ... C- (35)
30. (25 Jan) Beowulf (2007, Robert Zemeckis) ... B- (56)
29. (24 Jan) The Sword in the Stone (1963, Wolfgang Reitherman) ... B- (55)
28. (23 Jan) 101 Dalmatians (1961, Luske / Geronimi / Reitherman) ... B (60)
27. (22 Jan) Sleeping Beauty (1959, Clyde Geronimi) ... B (62)
26. (21 Jan) Lady and the Tramp (1955, Luske / Geronimi / Jackson) ... C (36)
25. (20 Jan) Peter Pan (1953, Luske / Geronimi / Jackson) ... C+ (50)
24. (19 Jan) Alice in Wonderland (1951, Luske / Geronimi / Jackson) ... B- (53)
23. (18 Jan) Cinderella (1950, Luske / Geronimi / Jackson) ... C+ (44)
22. (18 Jan) The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad (1949, Geronimi / Kinney) ... C+ (50)
21. (17 Jan) Melody Time (1948, Hamilton Luske et al) ... C+ (47)
20. (16 Jan) Fun and Fancy Free (1947, Hamilton Luske et al) ... B+ (70)
19. (15 Jan) Make Mine Music (1946, Hamilton Luske et al) ... C+ (45)
18. (14 Jan) Bambi (1942, David Hand) ... C+ (44)
17. (13 Jan) Dumbo (1941, Ben Sharpsteen) ... B (61)
16. (13 Jan) RoboCop (1987, Paul Verhoeven) ... B (65) (Robo. Robo-RoboCop. Who is he? Robo-RoboCop. What is he? Robo-RoboCop.)
15. (12 Jan) Resident Evil: Extinction (2007, Russell Mulcahy) ... C+ (50)
14. (12 Jan) Lions For Lambs (2007, Robert Redford) ... C (41)
tv01. (11 Jan) "The Powerpuff Girls" (1998) ... A- (81)
13. (10 Jan) Charlie Wilson's War (2007, Mike Nichols) ... C (42)
12. (09 Jan) The King of Kong (2007, Seth Gordon) ... B (67)
11. (08 Jan) Training Day (2001, Antoine Fuqua) ... B (67)
10. (07 Jan) The Blair Witch Project (1999, Myrick / Sanchez) ... C (40)
9. (06 Jan) The Painted Veil (2006, John Curran) ... B- (54)
8. (06 Jan) The Last King of Scotland (2006, Kevin MacDonald) ... C (40)
7. (05 Jan) Death at a Funeral (2007, Frank Oz) ... F (8)
6. (05 Jan) Armageddon (1998, Michael Bay) ... F (8) (SHIT is flying at the screen ... FAST. GAUGES showing NUMBERS are MAXIMUM. In fact, PAST maximum. The opinion of GOVERNMENT SCIENTISTS just got SERVED by THIRD PARTY know-alls with GLASSES. Oh ... SHIT. We're in BIG FUCKING TROUBLE. (Okay, well, big trouble yeah, but not so much that Billy Bob Thornton, head NASA dude who's overwhelmed with finding a solution for averting this crisis, can't run some calculations so he can DRAMATICALLY tell people the 18-ish days remaining is also 451 hours.) Protracted speeches, power ballads, FX-fetishism ... "Armageddon" a hard-on, and you should be too.)
5. (04 Jan) The Cutting Edge (1992, Paul Michael Glaser) ... D+ (26)
4. (03 Jan) Fantasia (1940, Ben Sharpsteen et al) ... B+ (72) (Killer final shot, I might add)
3. (03 Jan) X-Men (2000, Bryan Singer) ... B+ (72)
2. (02 Jan) Heaven Can Wait (1978, Beatty / Henry) ... C- (30)
1. (02 Jan) Runaway Bride (1999, Garry Marshall) ... C+ (46)
vg01. (01 Jan) StarCraft (1998) ... A (99)

Blue (First Viewing)
Purple (Subsequent Viewing, No Change)
Red (Subsequent Viewing, Reduction)
Green (Subsequent Viewing, Improvement)

-

I'd Buy That for a Dollar!

2007-12-29T12:42:00.000-08:00

When you're holding the moon for ransom, you value stability in an application...

-

The Girl Who Leapt Through Time (88)

The Dark Knight (75)
Bigger, Stronger, Faster (70)

Super Smash Brothers Brawl (68)
Presto [s] (67)
CJ7 (66)
Woman on the Beach (64)
Flight of the Red Balloon (62)
The Secret of the Grain (62)
Kit Kittredge: An American Girl (61)

Rachel Getting Married (60)
Wall * E (59)
Kung Fu Panda (59)
Burn After Reading (58)
Hunger (58)
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (57)
Encounters at the End of the World (56)
The Bank Job (56)
City of Ember (55)
Standard Operating Procedure (55)
Life Is Cool (54)
JCVD (54)
Igor (53)
Speed Racer (53)
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army (52)
Penelope (52)
Horton Hears a Who! (52)

Ghost Town (51)
What Just Happened? (51)
Iron Man (51)
The Forbidden Kingdom (50)
Quantum of Solace (50)
Forgetting Sarah Marshall (50)
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (49)
Boarding Gate (49)
Wallace and Gromit in A Matter of Loaf and Death [s] (49)
My Blueberry Nights (49)
Chocolate (48)
Bolt (48)
Redbelt (48)
The Spiderwick Chronicles (47)
Street Kings (47)
The Unforeseen (47)
Body of Lies (46)
Chicago 10 (46)
Definitely, Maybe (46)
Valkyrie (45)
Tropic Thunder (45)
Flawless (45)
Nim's Island (44)
Leatherheads (44)
Baghead (44)
Man on Wire (44)

Role Models (43)
Transporter 3 (43)
The Wackness (43)
Fool's Gold (42)
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (42)
Pineapple Express (42)
Get Smart (41)
Meet Dave (41)
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (41)
Doubt (40)
Sex and the City (40)
The Ruins (40)
Mongol (39)
Drillbit Taylor (39)
Appaloosa (39)
Quarantine (38)
Frost / Nixon (38)
In Bruges (38)
You Don't Mess with the Zohan (38)
Bedtime Stories (37)
The Day the Earth Stood Still (37)
Traitor (37)
Pride and Glory (37)
Vexille (36)
The Strangers (36)
Wild Child (36)
Hamlet 2 (36)

Wanted (35)
Yes Man (35)
Australia (35)
Transsiberian (35)
Space Chimps (34)
Funny Games U.S. (34)
Gran Torino (34)
27 Dresses (34)
W. (33)
88 Minutes (33)
Cloverfield (33)
Star Wars: The Clone Wars (33)
Vantage Point (32)
The Tale of Despereaux (32)
Death Race (32)
Milk (32)
Shutter (31)
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist (31)
Burn-E [s] (31)
Twilight (31)
Revolutionary Road (31)
Max Payne (30)
Charlie Bartlett (30)
Lakeview Terrace (30)
The Baader Meinhof Complex (30)
Step Brothers (29)
Resident Evil: Degeneration (29)
The House Bunny (29)
Jumper (28)
How to Lose Friends and Alienate People (28)
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (28)

Eagle Eye (27)
Untraceable (27)
Waltz with Bashir (27)
The Incredible Hulk (26)
Baby Mama (26)
Azur and Asmar (26)
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (25)
Righteous Kill (25)
The Secret Life of Bees (25)
Doomsday (24)
Smart People (24)
Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa (24)
10,000 B.C. (23)
Frozen River (23)
Fears of the Dark (23)
Superhero Movie (22)
Babylon A.D. (22)
All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (22)
Mamma Mia! (21)
RocknRolla (21)
Semi-Pro (21)
Dragon Hunters (20)
Changeling (20)
The Love Guru (20)
21 (19)
The Burrowers (19)
The Visitor (19)

Religulous (18)
Fly Me to the Moon (18)
Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (18)
Diary of the Dead (17)
Passengers (17)
Swing Vote (17)
What Happens in Vegas (16)
Choke (16)
Bangkok Dangerous (16)
One Missed Call (15)
Splinter (15)
Postal (14)
The Foot Fist Way (14)
The Wrestler (14)
The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A Veggie Tales Movie (13)
Defiance (13)
The Spirit (12)
Mirrors (12)
Blindness (11)
The Hottie and the Nottie (11)
Stuck (10)
Hancock (10)

Slumdog Millionaire (9)
Meet the Spartans (9)
Made of Honor (8)
College (8)
Marley & Me (7)
Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed (7)
Teeth (7)
Four Christmases (6)
Where in the World Is Osama Bin Laden? (6)
Witless Protection (5)
Prom Night (5)
Mad Money (5)
The Happening (4)
Beverly Hills Chihuahua (4)
Never Back Down (3)
While She Was Out (3)
Seven Pounds (3)
Disaster Movie (2)
The Air I Breathe (2)

Eagerly Awaiting
Chop Shop
A Christmas Tale
"Clannad After Story"
4 Months, 3 Weeks, and 2 Days
Heartbeat Detector
The Last Mistress
My Winnipeg
Profit Motive and the Whispering Wind
Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired
Snow Angels
Still Life
Synecdoche, New York
"Time of Eve"
"Toradora!"

Least Anticipated
Let the Right One In
The Reader

1. The Girl Who Leapt Through Time

2. The Dark Knight

3. Super Smash Brothers Brawl

4. Bigger Stronger Faster

Presto [s]

5. CJ7

-